Ibrahim family

Update

2010-01-29T15:35:00.001-05:00

Much has happened since the last time I updated my blog, Christmas and the start of a new decade. January is almost over and it's been quite a month. It's week two into the ADHD meds for Samuel. Week one we saw great focus changes but a lot of irritability, lack of sleep and not eating. Week two the side effects have waned but he's back to the same issues. This week it was back to the same behaviors at school, talking in the hall, talking too much during class, chasing someone around the class with a trashcan(?), not following directions, blah, blah. You get the idea. Homework has been the usual nightmare. Mornings, no better .

I was watching him getting ready for school yesterday. He has no trouble with the actual getting out of bed. It's the getting the clothes on, breakfast, brushing the teeth,putting the shoes on where the difficulty is. The kid gets distracted by anything. And when I mean anything, I mean anything. He has one sock on, and he sees his light saber. Suddenly, he is the middle of a fight with an invisible jedi. Five minutes later, he is still up there with one sock on. He comes downstairs to eat breakfast. His sister is eating. She starts singing a song. This song makes him think about his electric piano that has no batteries. He runs upstairs to look for some. While upstairs, he sees his light saber again. I could go on and on. By the time we get to school, everybody is worn out. Samuel, because he knows that doing these things should be easy. And he feels dumb because he can't.
One day, after a particularly hard day, he looked at me and said, "I wish you weren't normal so you could feel how I feel." It's heartbreaking.

So, this is why we began the medication. Our doctor did say that most people do see changes on stimulants at the beginning. But they don't always continue. Our next appointment is not until the end of February. I think we will continue him on this for a bit longer so we really can get a feel for how he is doing on it.

I'm discouraged. I know this is just the beginning of our journey on medication. But, I'm already tired. I am going to fill out the paperwork for Waldorf and see how much financial aid we get. I am still not convinced that Waldorf is the place for him. But is public school? Sometimes, I wish God could just send me an e-mail with some instructions. Because right now, I'm confused.

Here are some pics from the last few months.

Waldorf

2009-12-11T10:25:00.002-05:00

I am sitting in the waiting room at the university while Samuel is being tested. The woman who is doing the testing is a doctoral student, working under a psychologist. She seems like a very thourough likable lady who interacts well with children. Samuel is a little trooper. He woke up and we were out the door before the sun came up. He is excited about missing two whole days of school.

George and I visited the Waldorf school on Wednesday. It was indeed an interesting experience. The first classroom we visited was the 1st grade. The teacher is a man around thirty. The classroom is extremely simple in decor, no overload of color. The desks are old fashioned wood. There is a chalk board with beautiful drawings that the teacher makes daily that go along with the main lesson. When we walked in he was telling them a story of an eagle. He was very animated in his story telling. The kids were engaged, answering and asking questions. Everything was very orderly. The kids all raised their hands before talking. Then they all got into the middle of the class for some circle singing and dancing. All of them knew the words and the movements. Again, they were all engaged laughing and smiling.

Both George and I noticed that the kids seemed content. They were not rushed. The schedule on the board was clear. I liked seeing a big recess block of time. They also had games, German, handwork and music in the daily schedule. They bring their lunches in woven baskets. Everything was very simple and natural.

I am not without my reservations. I'm not sure how Samuel would do with so much oral teaching. In the younger grades they do a lot of hands on activities to reinforce the skills. If we commit to this school, we will have to commit for the long haul. It's not something you do for a year or two and put them back in a regular school. If you do this, they will be behind. Waldorf starts off slow. This is one of the things that appeals to me. Another thing is that it is the teacher that accepts the child. Samuel would have to go in for a three day trial. The teacher could observe him to see if they fit each other. Because the teacher moves up for at least three years with these kids, he needs to make sure it's going to be a match.

So, that's where we are. I am hoping that this testing will help us in our decision making. If there are some significant learning disabilities, I'm not sure if Waldorf would be the best fit. We'll just continue on our journey knowing that God is with us every step.

Christmas has begun

2009-12-06T22:10:00.001-05:00

I'm tired. We decorated the house, made salt dough ornaments and Christmas cookies. I need another weekend to unwind.

Samuel has a hard time around holidays. Every kid gets excited. That's normal. But Samuel's little engine is reving up so high, and he just can't seem to shift into a lower gear. And we all suffer. I lost it so many times this weekend. When he gets into modes likes this, we just don't know what to do. It's hard to punish him when for the most part he can't control himself. I watched him in action from the kitchen while he was watching a movie with his sister. Everytime a commercial came on, he would do something to irritate her. I saw him jump full force on to her from his couch to hers, clap his hands over and over in her face, take her doll throw it across the room. The list could go on and on. When he's calm and not anxious, he can control most of these behaviors but lately, not so much.

As excited as I am about Christmas, days like yesterday and today make me dread it. He's got two more weeks of school to get through. And so do I.

Here are some pictures of the weekend. The cookies and ornaments are 100% kid decorated. The cookies are made with all natural coloring so that's why they look so pastel. Both kids thouroughly enjoyed the activities.

Craziness

2009-12-03T21:57:00.002-05:00

If I get through the next few weeks, I'll either be Super Woman, will have to turn to serious drinking or I'll trust God to take care of us during a crazy time. Maybe all three?

Next week we have an ekg for Samuel, his weekly occupational therapy, karate on Tuesday and Thursday, George and I visit the Waldorf school on Wednesday, I'm teaching cycle at the gym Wednesday and Friday nights, and Friday we go to Athens for Samuel's psychological testing. AHHH! Plus I have six students in six different schools that I need to see each one twice next week. And Christmas shop and bake and decorate? Yeah, right!

So, I'm a little stressed. Good things are happening but everything seems to be coming at us at once. I am excited about visiting the Waldorf school. I have talked to quite a few people about it. One is my cousin whose son has been at Waldorf since he was three. He is now in the sixth grade and they both love it. I am planning on going with an open mind and hopefully will get answers to my many questions.

All I know is that the public school system is not working for my boy. I feel like it is stifling his spirit. Sure, he goes off every morning without too much trouble. But I see the defeat in him when I pick him up. I'm not sure what the answer is. We have really been praying that God guide this decision. Money is a big issue. But I truly feel that if this is the right path, God will provide.

I'll update after our visit on Wednesday.

Sweet

2009-11-30T15:46:00.001-05:00

Some pictures just warm my heart. This is one of them.

Thankful

2009-11-26T20:54:00.002-05:00

Our tummies are full, the kitchen is clean, and the kids are watching a movie. It was quiet around here today. We missed having Tony. It did give me some time to reflect on just how blessed we are.

I'm thankful for this little girl. She's full of life, often grumpy, stubborn, loooves her daddy, her best friend Joy, candy, and her princess bed.

I'm thankful for this little boy. He's smart, creative, head strong, decisive, sensitive, genuine, energetic and has the ability to make me absolutely crazy.

I'm thankful for this young lady. She's funny, getting more and more comfortable in her own skin, loves her friends, creative, and more full of potential than she'll ever know.

I'm thankful for my husband. He's smart, handsome, loving, God-fearing, wise, teachable, and hairy. :) He has helped me become a more confident and strong woman.

I'm thankful for our new house. The kitchen is wonderful to cook in. The creek is perfect for the kids. The basement perfect for all their toys. The deck is perfect for entertaining. I can relax and have a sense of peace here.

I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful that I can minister to hurting children and their parents. I'm thankful that I am often the only light they see.

I'm thankful for my extended family. I sure missed them today. I'm thankful for our dysfunction. I'm thankful that we are beginning to be more and more
honest with each other.

I'm thankful for a loving God. Thankful for his grace. Thankful for his forgiveness.

Sometimes I loose perspective. God has blessed us immensely. And I am so thankful.

Karate

2009-11-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

Today, Samuel had his first belt test in karate. I'm not sure how how the colors go. I think he is trying to earn a red stripe on his white belt. This means that he has learned the first thirteen essentials of Karate. With Samuel's coordination problems, karate has not been easy but he is slowly making progress. It has been a big commitment for us, both in time and money. You'll see his teacher in the video. He is great, extremely patient and encouraging. All the teachers that work under him are his former students. He has designed a whole new program for ADHD kids that will start in January. Samuel was his inspiration to start it. The classes will still be twice a week but a little shorter and they will work on attention and focus with karate mixed in there.

Here are the videos. The last part of the 2nd one, the teacher just talks to Samuel about his strengths. He really is an amazing teacher.

Karate 1

Karate 2

Outtakes

2009-11-19T16:33:00.002-05:00

Every year around this time, I start trying to take a Christmas card photo. I know my kids are different then most. Their mama takes hundreds of photos at a time, striving for that illusive "perfect" photo. And, every year I'm a little disappointed. Last Saturday, I took the kids around to take some pictures. As you can tell in these pictures, they were thrilled and extremely cooperative.

I did take a few that I like and can use. Then, I saw this one of Samuel. There is something I love about it. He has such a far away look in his eyes. He looks a little sad but I see a glimpse of hope. It's exactly where we're at in our journey right now.

Appointment

2009-11-17T16:51:00.003-05:00

We had our appointment with the psychiatrist that had a six month waiting period today. I got put on the cancellation list and they called me last week to let me know there was an opening.

He was wonderful, so incredibly knowledgeable and kind. We left feeling like we are in great hands. We spent an entire hour with him. He ordered a bunch of blood work and an ekg. We did talk about medication but he wants to see a full psychological done before we decide. The other part of the good news is that we got a call from the University of Georgia and Samuel's name is next on the waiting list. They are going to complete all the testing probably within the month.

After all this is done, we should have some answers. Things are falling into place. Of course, school is still not going well but better than last month. Dr.Sanders is not fond of how most public schools deal with ADHD kids. He recommends the Waldorf School in Atlanta. It's the bargain price of $11,000/year. They do have scholarships so I might look into it. Here is a bit of their philosophy.

Academics are de-emphasized in the early years of schooling. There is no academic content in the Waldorf kindergarten (i.e. pre-class 1) experience (although there is a good deal of cultivation of pre-academic skills), and minimal academics in class 1. The letters are introduced artistically in class 2, with the children learning to read from their own writing in class 2 or 3.

During the primary school years (classes 1-8) the students have a class (or "main lesson") teacher who stays with the same class for (ideally) the first eight years of their schooling.

Certain activities which are often considered "frills" at mainstream schools are central at Waldorf schools: art, music, gardening, and foreign languages (usually two in primary grades), to name a few. In the younger grades, all subjects are introduced through artistic mediums, because the children respond better to this medium than to dry lecturing and rote learning. All children learn to play recorder and to knit.

There are no "textbooks" as such in the first through fifth grades. All children have "main lesson books", which are their own workbooks which they fill in during the course of the year. They essentially produce their own "textbooks" which record their experiences and what they've learned. Upper grades use textbooks to supplement their main lesson work.

All children learn a stringed instrument from class 3 onwards. This often includes one-on-one tuition as well as orchestra.

Learning in a Waldorf school is a non-competitive activity. There are no grades given at the primary level; the teacher writes a detailed evaluation of the child at the end of each school year.

The use of electronic media, particularly television, by young children is strongly discouraged in Waldorf schools.

Sounds like it might fit my boy. Wish money was not an issue!

Movie

2009-11-14T09:26:00.004-05:00

I made a little Sophia movie last night. I am in charge of creating the end of the year movie for my school. I thought I would practice with some of my pictures and video just to get the hang of it.

Role reversal

2009-11-12T22:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, so Samuel caught me in a lie. And now I have to live with the knowledge that twenty years down the road, he's going to be in therapy over it. Because this kid doesn't forget a thing. And I feel awful.

A week ago, Samuel lost a tooth. This has been an event that he has waited for. He was beside himself. I was too. He lost it at school and the nurse gave him a little treasure box to put it in. He couldn't wait to put it under his pillow.

If you know me, you know that I struggle with the whole Santa thing. I hate lying to my kids. I get the whole magical, let them be kids thing. But I have never told them that Santa is real. Samuel wants so badly to believe. But he is just too darn logical and Santa doesn't add up. So he kind of pretends to believe. When the tooth fairy thing came about, I told him that she was the one that put money under his pillow.(wink, wink) He went along with my story but I truly thought he was pretending. Because although Samuel is six, at times he is a an adult caught in this little body and can be wise beyond his years.

He put his tooth under the pillow and that night when he was fast asleep, I put the money there and took the tooth. I threw it in a shelf in the closet and didn't give it another thought. I should have clued in when he came into my room yelling at 3:00 am that the tooth fairy had come, that he might be taking this one seriously. But I didn't.

Fast forward to tonight. The night that might send my kid to a psych unit. I had put both of the kids to bed. I heard some moving around upstairs but all was fairly quiet. Then I heard Samuel come downstairs.

"WHAT IS THIS?" As he shoved the little treasure box in my face.

Sure, I could have backpedaled and made up a story about the tooth fairy dropping it or some other clever tale. But instead I just looked at him dumbfounded.

"IS THE TOOTH FAIRY REAL? TELL ME NOW!"

I had to tell him the truth. So I put him in my lap and admitted my lie. And then I asked him,
"Are you mad?"

And my little adult said,
"No, not mad, more dissapointed in you than mad."
"Do you forgive me?"
"No, not yet."

He hung his head and went upstairs. I sat on the couch, dissapointed in myself and feeling guilty. I gave him a little time to stew but I had to go up there and make ammends. He was in his room pacing. When I walked in, he gave me such a look of disdain, it was like someone punched me in the gut.

I sat on the bed with him and apologized. I told him that parents aren't perfect and that I had made a big mistake.

He had tears in his eyes.
"I really wanted her to be real."

Oh, the journey of parenthood! George and I hashed it out a little while ago. I know that I haven't lost all credibilty with my kid but I sort of feel that way. Samuel is not your typical kid. When he loves you, he REALLY loves you. When he's hurt, he's REALLY hurt. He's not the kind of kid that will wake up, and skip off to school not giving this tooth fairy thing a second thought. He will dream about it and he'll wake up and I'll bet you twenty bucks that the first thing out of his mouth will have something to do with it. Then he'll go to school and tell every darn kid that his mother lied to him. THE TOOTH FAIRY IS NOT REAL!

Do you think he'll invite me to his therapy sessions. I'd like to give my side of the story...

Not the wiggliest?

2009-11-10T21:50:00.001-05:00

Samuel takes karate twice a week. Not because I think he will be the next great martial artist, far from it. We put him in it for the disipline, focus and coordination help he desperately needs. His teacher has been wonderful. And for the most part Samuel really enjoys it.

I decided to go into his class for the last few minutes of class. All the kids were kneeling in a straight line. The teacher ends the class with having all the kids kneel and stay focused on him for a minute, no moving. I didn't know this is how he ended class until today. Now I know why Samuel is constantly one of the last ones out of class. So I went in and sat down in the back next to another mom.

Slowly kids starting leaving. Soon two were left. My Sam and another Sam. Sam's mom was the mom next to me. Her head was down, not wanting to look, embarrased. I saw myself in this mom. So, I whispered to her, "Our boys are peas in a pod." She looked up at me and smiled. I asked how he did at school. "Always in trouble." I sympathized with her as we watched our sweet wiggly boys.

And guess what? Samuel won! He was not the wiggliest one! I'm not sure how much longer the other Sam had to stay. But my boy was too wiggly and impatient to wait and see.

I know how great my kid is. And I know I shouldn't compare him to others. Most of the time when I do, I get depressed. But today I left with a weird sense of pride. A wigglier boy then mine!

AAAAHHHH!

2009-11-03T16:14:00.000-05:00

Bear with me while I vent.

I got a note in Samuel's agenda that said, "Samuel needs to write neatly, redo."

Are you kidding me? Handwriting for my kid is pure torture. It's the equivalent of making a "normal" person sit in a tub full of tarantulas, rats and three thousand snakes. And then making them eat every single one of them. And after that, making them throw it up and sit in their throw up for a week.

Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit but let me tell you in the scheme of things, handwriting is the least of my concerns. Is it bad? Oh yeah, it's pretty awful. But this teacher has no idea the anguish we go through at night when his homework has anything to do with writing.

You know that Samuel has the attention span of a knat. So, I always give him a good uninterrupted hour off to do what he wants when he gets home from school. And then the agonizing hour begins. Sure, it's suppossed to last 10 minutes for the "normal' first grader. But when you have an exceptional kid, it's nowhere near that.

At first, he's pretty docile and ready to work. He sharpens his pencil. He decides that this pencil is not quite right. So he searches for another one. As he is going through the junk drawer, he sees his long lost Sponge Bob toy. The battery in this toy has died.
"Mom, I need a battery. Right Now!"
"Honey, we're doing homework, remember?"
"Mom, if I don't get it know, it will never work again."

If I somehow get him to forget about it and no tears or freak out happens, we sit back down at the table.
"I need my eraser. Let me go find it"
"Absolutely not. We are starting now."

This homework assignment is writing three cause and effect sentences. He completely understands the assignment. He could rattle off three perfect sentences in less then a minute.
"Good job, honey. Now, you have to write them."
"AAAAHHH! NO PLEASE NOT WRITING"
"Sorry, honey but you have to.
"AAAHHH"!
The tears begin and I get desperate.
"Ok, for every word you write, I'll give you a Skittle. This motivates him for maybe five minutes and three words. Then he's distracted by the squirrel on the deck and the squeak in the chair, and the crumb on the table.

An hour later, we have three sentences. Messy, yes. Holes in the paper from erasing, yes. Is my boy under the table hiding, yes. But he's done.

AND NOW YOU WANT US TO DO IT AGAIN? AAAAHHHHH!

Halloween

2009-11-02T15:57:00.000-05:00

Halloween is over and done with. This was the first year where both kids were able to walk up to the houses, ring the doorbell and we could just wait in the street for them. Sophia was fascinated with the whole process of going to people's houses and getting candy. She was a princess and every house she went to she announced, "I'm a princess!" and would twirl for them. Samuel was a clone trooper from Star Wars.
Sunday morning Sophia woke up and asked if we could go to more houses for candy. She can't quite grasp the once a year thing.

Here are a few October pictures. Can't believe we are in November!

Heavy heart

2009-10-21T15:26:00.000-04:00

Today I became one of those parents. One of those awful parents that requests a teacher change. It was the last straw. I have tried to work with this teacher but I have reached my limit. I truly think Samuel is too much for her to handle. She's loosing it with him and he knows it. Today I got the upteenth phone call from her.

"He has moved his clip fifty times, I have given him 150 warnings and have had to redirect him every thirty five seconds."

I asked where Samuel was, hoping that he wasn't by her side hearing this. But sure enough, he was right there. I talked to him for a second. He was quiet. I just told him that he had three hours left and just try and hold on.

What gets me is that we just had a meeting Monday and tried to put some interventions in place. The feeling I had coming out of that meeting was that there was no way this teacher could do it. She doesn't have enough structure and control in her classroom. But I thought we'd give it a try. And then yesterday and today were awful days.

So, I called the principal. I held it together and voiced my concern. I told him that Samuel would have difficulty wherever he is. Transistions are hard for him. But he's spiralingdownward fast and I think being in the classroom he is in, is not helping. I told him I knew the teacher was frustrated. I get frustrated with him. He's a tough kid. But it's not a good match.

I have no idea what is going to happen. I felt so bad. But I am Samuel's advocate and have to do what is right. It has been such a huge rollercoaster ride. Today I just lost it in the office with my co-workers. I sat on the couch and cried. And they sympathized  and counseled but most of all listened.

I had found out the waiting list for the psychiatrist we wanted to get into was over four months long. I went and talked to the social worker at one of my schools and she sat with me and gave me the name of several psychiatrists  that she recommends. So, I now have an appointment November 16 for George and I and a few days later for Samuel.

Last night I sat on the couch after putting the kids to bed   and cried. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I told George that I would give everything in me to make Samuel's pain go away. We know what a  treasure we have in our child. We think he's the coolest kid around. But when you have your little boy telling you how stupid he is and how he wants to die, it hurts This is the same kid that asks questions like. "What was before God? If God created everything, who created God? The kid that comes home from school and asks to invent something. He is downstairs pounding as we speak.

My heart is heavy, It's been hard to focus on anything else. But, we have hope because hard as it is for me to imagine God loves my boy more than I ever could and he has a purpose in all of this.

.

Wedding

2009-10-12T10:22:00.003-04:00

What a weekend! I'm not sure who was happier to see me upon my return the kids or George. Everyone was in one piece and happy. The house, well that's a post for another day.

The wedding. It was a ton of work. I was on my feet from 8 am on Saturday until 9 pm and took 1200 pictures. The wedding party was something else. There was no organization, the usher never showed up, they forgot the flowers, the caterer got in a fight with the groom five minutes before the wedding, the bride and the groom's family did not get along.. Do I need to go on?

But it was beautiful and the bride was happy and very grateful. I dove into my job as wedding photographer and let me just say that I don't think I would enjoy making a profession out of it. I did all the formal shots that they wanted but the photos I loved the best were the candid ones. I caught the bride and the bridesmaids sneaking a smoke after the wedding. The bride was embarrassed about her tattoos and wanted to cover them up. I encouraged her to take off her jacket during the reception and just be who she was. After five cupcakes, the flowergirl was bonkers.

I guess taking pictures is all about meeting people where they are, getting to know them in a very short while and trying to portray their personalities through the lense of a camera. It certainly is not an easy task. Here are a few of my favorites.

Leaving the munchkins

2009-10-08T21:25:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow I leave for the weekend, alone!!! Yes, two nights without children and husband. I am only going a couple of hours away to the mountains for a wedding. One of my good friends who I taught special ed with has a former student who is getting married. Well, she actually is already married and has two kids but has never had the opportunity to have a "real" wedding. So, I am the designated photographer. I'm a bit nervous about the responsibilty. I mean, I can take cute pictures of my kids but a wedding?

It will be small and very simple. These are people that have never had money. The bride works at the Waffle House. They have never traveled. So, going away to the mountains will be huge for them. I hope to capture their excitement in my pictures.

Of course I am a little nervous about leaving the kids. George is not the best multi-tasker. But I know that they will survive and be happy despite what the house will look like when I come home.

I am excited about girl time, drinking wine in a cabin until the late hours, not hearing any whining, an absolutely quiet car, eating without having to worry about keeping kids seated, spills, or wiping faces, going to the bathroom without interruption, not listening to the annoying Wiggles, Dora or Elmo for two days, not waking up to "SAMUEL STOP!!!!! "

I could go on but you get the idea. I'll update when I get back.

Triple espresso anyone?

2009-10-07T08:57:00.004-04:00

Today my boy embarks on many, many years of standardized testing. Not a big deal to some, but to a very wiggly boy, probably not a fun journey. He has ten days of testing. You heard me right, ten days. It starts off with seven days of the ITBS and then three days of the COGAT.

One thing I do like about his current school, is that they haven't stressed the kids out about the test. At his last school, they ate, drank and breathed these tests. His school was the top ranked in the county according to test scores. So they rammed it down the kids throats. I have not see that here.

I woke up extra early this morning to make him a good breakfast. He had whole grain muffins, of which he had two bites, yogurt, maybe a bite, and cantaloupe, three pieces. I decided to give him a little coffee to see if that would help him focus. Our psychologist said to try and see how he reacts. Samuel did finish the coffee....

So, we show up to school. I walked him in to take in the class snack and touch base with his teacher about the day. The principal was standing outside greeting the kids. Samuel knows him well after being sent to him a handful of times. I said good morning to him and Samuel looked at him and said, "Just finished my coffee, ready for my test!"

Of course I wanted to sink into the floor. But I'm used to statements like this and I politely smiled at him and walked right by. I did mention to Samuel that maybe we need to keep the coffee thing between us.

Who knows how he'll do on these tests. I'm not that concerned. In my opinion they are not a true determination of intelligence. When I left him, he looked anxious. I noticed he had spilled some coffee down his pants. He didn't want me to leave him. Tears were near. I hugged him tight and told him to have a good day and walked down the hall. Halfway down, I turned around and his little head was peaking out his door straining to see me. I waved and he smiled and waved back.

My heart hurts for him. I feel like every morning I throw him into a pit of lions. He does his best to survive until I pick him up seven hours later. As soon as he sees me, relief washes over him. I see my sweet boy, looking like he's been to war, both shoes untied, shirt filthy, hair a mess. I don't even ask him how his day was. I know. I hug him and tell him how much I love him. And we go home. Only to go back and do it all tomorrow.

Fall is here!

2009-10-03T16:31:00.011-04:00

If my fairy godmother was sitting next to me right now and told me she would grant any of my wishes, I would without hesitation ask for a housekeeper. And none of this once or twice a month nonsense.

Reality is that there is no fairy godmother and I'm stuck with a big house to clean. Saturdays have become our chore day. The kids clean their rooms and the basement and I do the rest. We have made the basement the playroom. I love love this because that means there are no toys anywhere else. But they make a huge mess of it and are stuck cleaning it all on Saturday. I could make them clean daily but frankly I don't want the fight, so Saturdays it is.

Today has been the most perfect day we have had in a long,long time;cool, blue skies and breezy. At around 9:00 I told the kids that we would have a picnic at the park after the chores were done. I thought for sure we would be done by noon. I was done with my part at noon but the kids stalled, whined, fought, and complained through theirs. They did get everything done and we set out at 2:00. And what a day!

This kind of weather makes you happy to be alive. The park was packed and people friendly. All but a little strange man who told his son to stop blowing bubbles on the slide or the little girl at the top would slip and fall and cut her head open and the boy would have to take his shirt off and clean up all the blood. Needless to say, Sophia did not go down the slide.

Here are a few "full of joy" pictures,my favorite kind to take.

Back?

2009-09-29T16:24:00.007-04:00

I know, I know, it's been forever. What I've realized is that I needed a break. I'm kind of an all or nothing kind of person. So, this summer I decided to let go of the blog for awhile with the intention that I would start up soon. Well, soon lead to months and the more I procrastinated, the harder it became to start writing again. But, I miss writing. I need an outlet. My entries probably won't be as frequent but I'm back!

Over the summer, we moved. We are only 10 miles from our old house. This house is so much bigger and our family fits so much better. We are not on top of each other. I didn't realize what a difference this would make. I feel so much calmer and at ease.

Because of the move, Samuel has had to change schools. It is a Dekalb County Charter school and only has 400 or so kids. Much different from his old one which had over 1000. It is also very ethnically diverse. And this is a very welcome change.

I knew that after the phenomenal teacher Samuel had last year, that I would be disappointed with every other teacher after her. Well, that certainly has come true this year. He has had a rough beginning to say the least. His classroom has a real lack of structure and consistency. This is a recipe for disaster for my boy. He is probably averaging two "bad" days a week. I got the second call from his teacher this week. It's the same old story, can't keep hands to himself, talking in the hall, arguing, not paying attention. I'm at the point now when I get a message, I listen to it with the phone away from my ear. It's like Charlie Brown's teacher BLAH BLAH BLAAAAA.Most days when I walk into the school, I just want to put a bag over my head so I don't have to talk to his teacher.

So what are we doing? We did get an ADHD diagnosis from a psychologist. He is seeing an occupational therapist once a week for his coordination and sensory issues. He is in karate twice a week to work on both coordination and focus. He is on a waiting list to get psychological testing at Emory. We have an appointment with our pediatrician in a couple weeks to talk about our options. And, we are on a waiting list to see a great psychiatrist from the Marcus Institute at Emory. I called the principal of his school today to see if we could meet and talk about our options. Just writing all this makes me tired.

Every time I think about having to put my kid on medicine it makes me cry. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I know he is extra sensitive and will think that he has to take something to "fix" him. But then I see his self esteem starting to really plummet. "Mom why can't I tell my brain to just stop? It goes too fast. Why am I so stupid? Why can't I be like the other kids?" Hearing these questions every day breaks my heart.

So, we are torn. I wish the answer was quick and easy. It's not and we have a sweet tender boy in the middle. If I let it, guilt would eat me alive. Are we partly to blame? What is this doing to Sophia? How many times have I completely lost my temper with him? Will he be in therapy one day talking about the damage his parents did to him?

Both George and I are praying for God to show us where to go. All we know is that Samuel is an awesome kid. I thank God for each and every one of his quirks. And the world better watch out because whether he is on medicine or not, he is God's special creation and God has a plan for his life. In the words of my most likely ADD husband,

"How do you know that "we" are the ones that need medication? What if all of "you" are the messed up ones and need the medication?"

Author's celebration

2009-05-18T21:40:00.004-04:00

This morning Samuel's class had a celebration and showed us their new hardback books. Samuel's was called Frog Life Cycle. It was very apparent how proud all the kids were of their book. Samuel insisted that he needed to get dressed up. So, he wore his little coat and tie. First, they read the books to their invited guest and then they rotated around and read to a dozen or so people. The blond woman Samuel is reading to is the assistant principal who has gotten to know him a little this year. :) Two more days of kindergarten!

Sunday

2009-05-17T18:34:00.009-04:00

My last week of work is next Tuesday. I am hoping that my posts will pick up during the summer. Time will tell I guess..

Since Tony's death, our family has grown. Sure, it was a little forced upon us but the result has been a positive one. Let me explain. In Tony's will, he assigned one executor and three trustees to his estate. Usually the executor is a family member and should have been George. But because of George and Tony's rocky background, Tony decided to assign someone else. It has actually been a blessing not to have to be in charge of all this.

In the will he left the store and Mercedes to George. Everything else is to go to the kids and their education. By the time the little ones are college bound, the fund should more than cover their expenses. It really is a huge blessing and relief to have this taken care of.

The executor and the trustees were all friends of Tony and have known George since he came to the U.S as a teenager. Because of their involvement with Tony and now us, they want to be involved in our lives. Kahlil is the executor and he and his wife are from Iran. Nick is an American married to a Bulgarian who was very close to George's mother. Daniel is from Lebanon and was Tony's business partner when he started the store twenty tears ago. Victor is a doctor from Lebanon and had known Tony for many years.

Khalil has made millions in many investments and is well off to say the least. He's a quiet, humble man with all of our best interest in mind. His wife Minoo is a sweet, soft spoken woman. They invited all of us to their house in the country for the day today. I, of course, was tentative. Not having grown up around money, I get nervous in the presence of wealth. Especially with my small children, in a half million dollar home....

We showed up around 12:30. The house really is in the country. I'm sure there is not another house for miles. It's probably three times the size of ours. I coached the kids on good behavior before we walked in. It's been a rainy day and I knew there was not a chance the kids could play outside. I sighed in relief when I saw that all the floors were either hardwood or tile, always a good sign with my kids. I cringed when I saw that all the couches were white. Samuel returned from a trip to the bathroom in awe. "Mom, you have to see it. It's awesome." Maybe my kids need to get our more.

All in all we had a great afternoon. I was grateful that we ate buffet style and we all didn't have to sit for a long period of time at the table. The upstairs was a huge unfurnished space with tons of space to run and nothing they could get in to. George and I were able to visit, eat amazing Middle Eastern food and drink great wine. Middle Eastern people remind me of the Spaniards. They indulged my children with plenty of kisses, hugs and pinched cheeks. They let them eat as many cookies as possible and gave them coke. I sat back and let them. It's funny how when you expect the worst, the worst doesn't always happen. I expected to be chasing my kids making sure they weren't touching anything breakable. I didn't have to do that. I expected to be uncomfortable and out of place. I certainly didn't feel this. I'm excited about adding these people who obviously love my family into our lives.

I wish I had my camera today but didn't. Here are some pictures from the last few weeks.

Sophia singing

2009-05-09T18:11:00.004-04:00

It's been warm, warm enough to fill up our little pool and swim. Here's Sophia singing some songs in her new swimsuit.

Busy busy

2009-05-03T20:49:00.003-04:00

We are alive and well, just very busy. The last two months of the school year are always crazy for me. I have a ton of paperwork, a full caseload of students and haven't wanted to spend the time and energy to blog. Samuel has 13 days left of kindergarten! Last week was a tough one for him and I suspect the next few will be too. But you never now with the little guy. He can suprise us all and finish with a bang.

This afternoon I can honestly admit I was angrier than I have ever been at him. George was at the race track so I was alone with the kids. We had been busy painting pots and planting flowers. We had come inside and I was upstairs putting clothes away. I heard some racket downstairs and I called down to see what they were doing. Samuel yelled that Sophia had made a huge mess. I walked down to see the floor covered in goldfish. I am talking a gallon size bucket of goldfish covering the entire living room floor. Sophia was crying because she knew how mad I was. Samuel told me that Sophia had dumped the whole thing out and proceeded to smash them all.
I guess I didn't think to doubt his word. So, I took her to the couch, spanked her, and put her in her room. At that point, I wasn't that mad. Just annoyed that I had to clean up the huge mess.

After a few minutes, I went upstairs to get Sophia. She then told me that "Gung gung(Samuel) did it." I didn't believe her at first. I went downstairs to confront Samuel. He admitted, with a lot of hesitation, that it had been him. I flew off the handle. He not only lied, he sat there while I punished his sister for what he had done. I was shaking in anger. He was shaking in fear. Looking back, I should have walked away from the situation for a few minutes. But I didn't.

These situations are tough. I was so livid that he had done that. Samuel spent some time in his room. He came down, crying, and handed his favorite light to Sophia. He wanted her to have his favorite thing. I guess a retribution for what he had done. He said he had gone upstairs and prayed.

Of course, there are so many parallels to this story. I put them both in my lap and hugged them close. I told Samuel that he was forgiven, forgiven by me, Sophia and God. I then retold the story of Jesus dying for our sins. The innocent taking the punishment of the world. And we don't have to do anything but accept him. That's it.

Suffering from low self esteem?

2009-04-18T16:22:00.004-04:00

I overhead the little one singing this in her bedroom.

"I so budiful. I a budiful pincess. I so so budiful, a budiful pincess.

2009-04-16T10:01:00.006-04:00

My parents just left after spending a few days with us. All of us, of course, thoroughly enjoyed our time with them. The sad part is that we won't see them until September. Now that Tony is gone, the kids don't have any grandparents in town. So we definetely treasured our time with them and look forward to the next visit.

She's a big girl now!

2009-04-15T14:38:00.003-04:00

We transistioned Sophia out of her crib this weekend. It was time. We took the crib and changing table out of her room and brought the single bed from Samuel's room in. He now has a queen sized bed in his room that we figured we could use as a guest room if needed.

As you know, our girl is all about pink. So, of course, her room is too. I am going to enjoy this now because in a few years she'll be all about black and want green hair.

Spring Break

2009-04-15T14:12:00.006-04:00

I am going to make one long post. My plan was to do a seperate post for each day of spring break. Obviously, that didn't happen. So here goes....

Day #2
Tuesday was mom and son day. I decided to take Samuel and go to the Body Exhibit. I figured he would be interested in seeing what makes up the human body. We got to see all the different systems and what they looked like. He was interested but wanted to move quickly. We were through in less than 30 minutes. Perhaps it went a little over his head. But most likely it was that I told him we could go to the exhibit store after we were done. Big mistake. I should have known better.

On our way there Samuel commented, "It's a perfect day, no Sophia." He also said that he wanted to be the prince in our family and Sophia could be the servant. Nice.

Day #3
Wednesday we all went to the Georgia Aquarium. My cousin's daughter works there and got us in for free and we didn't have to wait in line. The not waiting in line was the biggest blessing. Neither Samuel or George do well with lines... We all enjoyed it but the biggness of was a little overwhelming to Samuel and he seemed overstimulated. It was busy and loud and I know that this environment is hard on him. George also doesn't do well in environments like this. They both wanted to rush through.

Last weekend I was talking to a friend of mine who is ADD. She also said that she has a hard time at places like the aquarium. She gets overstimulated and wants to leave. I took a trip with her to IKEA and as soon as she stepped in, she had to leave. It was too much.

It's interesting to sit back and make these observations. Instead of passing judgement and saying these people are just inpatient, I know it definitely goes deeper than that.

This is what happens when you forget the stroller and she doesn't want to walk anymore.

Day #4

Thursday we had a play date with a family that we have been friends with for a long time. Samuel actually was in a playgroup with this little boy when he was 4 months old. It was good to see them and the kids played hard and well together.

Day # 5

Friday we were supposed to have another play date but I felt that we needed a day at home. I got caught up on laundry and cleaning.

All in all, we had a good week off. I knew I had to keep Samuel busy or he would drive us all crazy. I love my kid but he's a handful and has to have an agenda. Can't wait until summer! Nothing like 8 weeks to try to come up with things to do!

Sunday we had a good Easter, colored eggs and had a hunt. We really missed Tony on that special day.

Spring Break Day #1

2009-04-06T15:02:00.012-04:00

Since we are off this week I have come up with a plan for each day. Yesterday was the zoo. I had a buy one, get one free and Sophia is still free. For me, a trip to the zoo once a year is plenty. The weather was cold which gave us the zoo to ourselves and the other brave souls. Some of the animals were not out but we pretty much saw what we wanted to. Sophia's favorite were the flamingos because they were pink. Samuel loved the reptile house. And surprisingly, I loved the naked mole rats. They were crazy looking creatures but so much fun to watch.

Could she be more of a girl?

2009-04-05T08:52:00.003-04:00

After giving Sophia a new dress to wear...

"MOM! A bootiful new dress? For me? Thank you! Thank You! .....Where are my bootiful new shoes?"

Swim lessons

2009-04-03T11:02:00.003-04:00

So, Samuel started swim lessons this week. He loves the water.....as long as he can touch the ground. But the way I view it, swimming is a must. It's a life skill. I'm not asking him to be the next Michael Phelps, but he has to learn to not drown.

We decided to shell out the big bucks for private lessons because we knew that he was behind most kids his age and highly distractable. This center has a pool that is reserved for lessons. Samuel was very excited but also a bit hesitant. We got there a little early and had time to sit on the benches and watch. Kids his age were floating, doing flips underwater, diving, and learning the different strokes. I have learned as a mom to try and not compare my kid to others. It's truly impossible. So I compare but I don't make him feel any less because he can't do what most kids his age can do.

We met Shayna, his teacher. She is probably seventeen or so. I left and sat in an area where I could observe but Samuel couldn't see me. Well, needless to say, they spent most of the time and our money blowing bubbles on the steps. As we have been learning, Samuel has motor planning issues or the ability to think through a new task requiring body movements and then execute that movement. So learning a sport is difficult for him. Feeling the ground under him makes him feels secure. Not feeling it, well, he doesn't like it.

Samuel will learn to swim. It might take his much longer than your average kid. So, if we have to stay on the steps for awhile until he feels comfortable, that's ok. I am going to take him to the pool on Sunday to practice. Samuel does need to be pushed. And as his mama, I can push him more than a teenage instructor will. He can do much more than he thinks he can. He needs to feel secure in his ability. And I'm free.....

Samuel update

2009-03-30T10:42:00.004-04:00

With all the craziness this month I have not been able to update what that has been going on with our little guy. The last I wrote about him was that we had taken him to a developmental pediatrician who had found some sensory integration issues and recommended that he have a full psychological done along with occupational therapy.

Well, a lot has happened since then. I took him for an occupational therapy assessment about three weeks ago. The therapist spent two hours with him and came to some interesting conclusions. He is either below average or well below average in manual dexterity, upper limb coordination and manual coordination. He also has some significant sensory processing deficits which include auditory,visual, and vestibular processing. Basically, Samuel and all his senses have a very hard time responding to the world around him. With auditory processing he responds negatively to certain sounds or has a really hard time concentrating when there is a lot of noise. I did a little copying and pasting to give you an idea of what is going on with Samuel.

This person will be unlikely to follow the conversation directed at them by the person across the table. Imagine a similar child in a classroom, surrounded by pencils being sharpened, children talking, music playing, feet shuffling, and chairs being scraped across the tile floor. This child may not be able to complete the math or reading assignments correctly with all of the other stimuli overloading his brain. In fact, this child may even exhibit behavioral problems resulting from his frustration and inability to screen out unnecessary sensory input. The teacher may notice the child "clowning around," staring into space, or flapping his hands. This child may become terrified of the fire alarm, perceiving that sound as painful. Another child may struggle when the room is quiet, because that child is not receiving enough input through his hearing. This child may begin tapping his pencil, humming, kicking his desk, or otherwise producing his own noise. All children are different in their needs, but the teacher should be sensitive to the child with sensory integration dysfunction, taking time to determine whether that child needs a quiet area to study, a set of headphones to block out extra sounds, or perhaps a stereo headset to provide quiet music

A person who does not know how far her arm extends may end up hitting someone as she reaches for an object. This person may step on someone’s foot as she walks, not realizing that a foot was in her way. She may slam doors, or close them so lightly that they do not latch. She may be clumsy, and may be unable to climb a piece of playground equipment or walk up stairs without difficulty, perhaps needing to watch her feet to see where to place them. Problems with the proprioceptive system can be the main contributor to difficulties with motor planning, which is the ability to figure out how to use one’s body. For example, when walking under a low doorway, most people know just how far to bend down to avoid hitting their head. A person with motor planning difficulties may bend over too far, or not far enough. This person may not know how to climb up the monkey bars on the playground, or may not be able to get down once she is up there! Routine tasks such as dressing, tying shoes, eating with utensils, and writing can be challenges for people with motor planning difficulties.

So between Samuel's lack of coordination and all the sensory issues, he has a lot going on. A lot of things are making sense now. He was a slow walker, it took him forever to learn to go down steps. He still has to look to go down when he goes down them. He couldn't open a door by himself until he was almost four. He was four before he could really jump. Riding a bike hasn't come yet. And the movement.... He has always been in constant motion. He can not sit still without fidgeting. His hands have to be occupied with something.

We started his occupation therapy this week. He will go every Monday morning for a couple months. Then, they will see how he is progressing and go from there. We have 4o visits a year that are covered by our insurance and I am so grateful for that. We have a ton we can do with him at home. This summer, he and I will have a little boot camp to see what works and what doesn't. Then, we will be better informed to let the school know what he needs. We are also on a waiting list to have a full psychological done by the University of Georgia. It is a third of the price of a private psychologist because it is done by doctoral students under the supervision of a psychologist. I have a few friends that have used them and they have been very pleased with the thoroughness of the testing.

Samuel's school has been very supportive. We had a meeting last week to go over the occupation therapist report. His teacher immediately took half of the fluorescent bulbs out of her room. He is using bigger pencils and crayons to help him with writing. She already lets him wiggle a lot. He is the errand runner. He does all the heavy lifting. She even has him push the walls. This type of activity is actually soothing for kids like Samuel.

Mrs D. meets with all the specials(PE, art, music, Spanish) teachers on Wednesday to go over this. Samuel has an awful time in PE. With sixty kids, his coordination issues and a huge space, he completely spazzes out. He actually will get in trouble and put in time out on purpose so he doesn't have to do the activity he knows he can't do.

So, basically we do feel like some of the puzzle pieces are coming together. The more information we have, the more we can do to help Samuel be more successful at home and at school. I am going to include the webpage that I got some of the above information from. It's a great summary of sensory integration.
http://www.thegraycenter.org/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.display&page_id=48

Happy 17th!

2009-03-29T22:50:00.007-04:00

It was Gabrielle's 17th birthday today. It's crazy how quickly time is flying with her. She had her "shopping" party with friends yesterday. They all went down to a funky part of town and spent a few hours shopping, followed by dinner. She seemed to have fun,

Today, we started the day with donuts and ended it with pizza and cake with family. All in all, everyone had a good time and best of all Gabrielle felt special. She got plenty of the clothes she loves. We all, including Gab, think they're tacky. But in her mindset, the tackier, the better. One of her gifts was a tanktop that says, "Queen of Tcky" She loves it and will proudly wear it to school along with her tiara and tutu. All I can say is that it sure beats that shy, insecure girl that we knew a few years ago. On the bottom is Sophia and the rest of us singing Happy Birthday. As you can hear, Sophia loves to sing.

Joy

2009-03-26T21:17:00.020-04:00

Once in awhile you do something with your kids that turns out wonderfully. So wonderfully that Samuel actually told me at the end of the day, "Today was a perfect day mom."

Last Saturday I got the kids in the car. I had no idea what we were going to do but I wanted to get them out of the house. The weather was perfect. I started driving downtown. I parked in a lot and we started walking towards the Westin hotel. I knew that they had an elevator that visitors could use and we could get a view of the city. We went up 72 floors! And the view was pretty amazing.

We left and started walking towards Centennial Olympic Park and the fountains. Once we were there, the kids took off running. They spent an hour running around,getting wet and laughing. Almost every picture I took of the kids, showed joy. And I felt joy just looking at them.

Poem

2009-03-25T16:56:00.003-04:00

There was a little girl, who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead,

And when she was good,

she was very, very good,

But when she was bad she was horrid.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A little color

2009-03-24T12:57:00.006-04:00

I guess it's about time to post again. The last ten days have been a blur. It's strange how after you spend so much time and energy taking care of someone and that person is gone, you are not quite sure what to do with yourself. George and I have both felt this lately. But somehow, you go on and do the mundane tasks that are necessary.

One of the things I noticed on all our visits to the hospital was how dark and gloomy everything seemed. There was very little color. That always bothered me. So whenever I brought Sophia, I made sure to dress her in bright, bold colors. It seemed to add a little light to a very dismal place. The day before Tony died, I brought the kids to see him. Something that I am very glad I did. Here are the pictures I took on that day.

Live well

2009-03-14T16:27:00.004-04:00

It's a rainy cold afternoon. The kids are downstairs watching a movie. The mounds of laundry are in piles around me. The refrigerator is bare except for three uneaten casseroles people have dropped by. George is out driving somewhere. We got home just a few hours ago. I'm tired and am going to give myself a day before I start back to "normal" life.

Yesterday evening we had the visitation at the funeral home. It was a small gathering of mostly family and close friends. The casket was closed. No one needed to see him in the state that he died. I went through some of Tony's old family albums and picked some really neat photos of Tony, Eva and George. I scanned them and had them enlarged. I also had alot of recent pictures of Tony and the kids. People really enjoyed seeing the pictures of Tony in all the different facets of his life. The kids came and I spent most of the night trying to keep them quiet. Funeral homes and small children don't mix.

Today was the funeral. It was at an Eastern Orthodox church. I had never been and it was interesting. All the prayers and readings were done in singing. And there was alot of incense. I didn't feel that it was very personal at all. But it was done in the church were Tony attended and it was what he wanted.

The procession to the burial was the highlight for Samuel. We were escorted by two policemen on motorcycles. We got to go through red lights and traffic stopped for us. Pretty cool to a six year old! The burial was quick. It was pouring and very cold so we didn't stay long. Everyone then went to a Mediterranean place for lunch. The food was good and people seem to relax and enjoy themselves.

We are all glad that this part is over. As much as we will miss Tony, we know that his suffering is over. Tony did not want to die. He wanted to be around for his grandkids. But it was his time to go. He fought death. But he also fought life. I have realized that you die the way you live. When you live in fear, you die in fear. If you live with alot of regrets, you die with them too. We feel that Tony finally let go at the end and was able to rest. George's last words to him were, " I love you. You can rest now."

Live well so you can rest well.

Anton Georges Ibrahim (9/10/38-3/12/09)

2009-03-12T18:49:00.006-04:00

Tony died this morning around 11:30. He was peaceful and free of pain. George had a conversation with him before he died. He said that he loved him and that he was now going to be with Eva, George's mom. I'll write more when I have time. I am so glad that he is no longer in pain.

Stable

2009-03-12T00:21:00.002-04:00

Tony seemed a little better today. I took Samuel out of school for a few hours so we could visit. He recognized both kids and thanked me for bringing them. Samuel is a little scared of his grandpa. This is not the man he knew.

Tonight, when I went back to visit, they had put him on an ongoing morphine drip. He is not as agitated as he was last night. He didn't complain of pain.

How much longer can he hang on? It really is torture to see this man, who just a few months ago was strong, dynamic and full of life. Now he is a shell of that man. He is wasting away. Our wish is for God to take him soon. Tony has lived a life full of fears and regrets. So, he is dying the same way. There is no peace in his death. I hope this comes.

Thanks for the prayers.

Another one

2009-03-11T01:54:00.002-04:00

Just back from the hospital. I thought tonight was it. He pulled off his oxygen mask and asked to die. He said we were torturing him. But after a shot of morphine, he calmed down.
He is in and out. I'm not sure what is him and what is the morphine. George is still there, as is Basil, his cousin.
He's moaning alot because of the pain. His whole body hurts. Every breath seems to be a chore. We made the decision tonight to not resucitate or intubate Tony to keep him alive. He will go naturally and hopefully peacefully.
I'll update tomorrow.

Another update

2009-03-10T00:14:00.004-04:00

Just got back from the hospital. Tony is on 100% oxygen which means he is not breathing much on his own. His appetite is next to nothing. He doesn't want to die until his brother, Mousa comes from Syria. Sadly, the US embassay won't let Mousa visit. He has come countless times in the past but for "security" reasons, they won't let him out this time. While understanding why the US does this, it infuriates me. But there is little we can do. Tony does not know that his brother can't come. George thinks that as soon as he finds out, he'll loose his will to live. Mousa's son and daughter, George's cousins, are coming in from Phoenix tomorrow. I know Tony will enjoy having more family around.

We are both emotionally drained. I feel like I am in a fog. Like the rest of the world is moving around me, but I'm on auto-pilot. Watching someone die is awful. I can't even describe what it's like. He's wasting away in front of us. And he's scared, so scared to die. I guess they are letting him stay in the hospital for now. Please pray for strength, peace and clarity during the days ahead.

Update

2009-03-07T15:43:00.003-05:00

Today I took the kids to the hospital to visit Tony. He slept most of time we were there. The kids were sweet to him but we only stayed for fifteen minutes or so. He is breathing alot better so that is good news. On Monday or Tuesday, they'll assess how he is doing and hopefully he'll be released. I'm not sure to where yet, it all depends on how he does over the weekend.

Looking at Tony today was hard. He's lost weight. He has no energy. I could tell it hit Samuel pretty hard. On the way home, I heard his little prayer coming from the backseat.

"Dear God, please don't take Gedo away from us yet. Can he stay with us for a little bit more? Make him better, please."

I did take some pictures. We might not have him around too much longer.

Tony

2009-03-06T13:52:00.002-05:00

Tony has been in the hospital this week. George took him in to the doctor on Monday because he wasn't doing well. They admitted him to run some tests. It was pneumonia. After a few days on antibiotics, he seemed better and we thought he was going to be released. Then, yesterday they tried to wean him off the oxygen and he stopped breathing. So, they kept him. Today, they ran some more tests and have found that one or both of his lungs have collapsed. The doctor is going to go in and try and let out the air around the lung.

We think at this point when Tony gets out, he will need at least part-time care. The social worker at the hospital has been talking to George about our options. He might live a week or he might live three months. We don't know. I just now that he is scared and doesn't want to be alone. If the time is short, hospice will be our option. We just don't know.

Please pray for us during this difficult time. George is stressed. Samuel is feeling it and acting out at school. The house is a mess. I have had so many people offer to help. But, really what can they do? We are living day to day.

Alive!

2009-03-03T11:18:00.002-05:00

We got an unexpected day off yesterday because of the snow. At 7:00 yesterday morning, I jumped on Samuel's bed to tell him. We were both pretty happy to not have to go to "work". He was in a great mood all day. We had his 6th year check up yesterday. He has gained 11 pounds in a year! He is in the 77th percentile for both height and weight. Not a little runt anymore! I really think having his tonsils out has been the reason.

On our way to the doctor, he asked,
"Mom, do some days you feel more alive?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, today, I don't feel sick, nothing itches(he always seems to have poison ivy...), no school, sun is shining. I just feel so alive!"

Bowling Party!

2009-03-01T18:21:00.013-05:00

This is what it looked like at 12:00 today. Samuel's party was at 2:00. This is not alot of snow if you are up North but in Atlanta people shy away from a little dusting of snow. But we decided to go ahead with it and everyone showed up but one. Samuel had fun. They were into the bowling for about 45 minutes and then they lost interest. So the boys chased and tackled each other until it was time for the cake. Here are some shots from the disco bowling party.

Birthday pics

2009-02-26T19:10:00.005-05:00

Here are a few of the pictures and video of today. It was a great day. His party with his friends is on Sunday at the bowling alley. That should be fun...

Happy Birthday Samuel

2009-02-25T23:40:00.002-05:00

I always get a little sad on the eve of my children's birthdays. Some of it might be the stress I put on myself to make their birthdays extra special. I just finished making 20 dirt sundaes to bring in to his class tomorrow. If you know Samuel, you know he loves dirt and I thought this snack was perfect for him. Mrs D liked the idea so much she insisted that I read a book called "The Diary of a Worm" to the class when I come in to bring the snack. Have I mentioned that I like her....

Samuel, my sweet boy, you are turning six! No longer can you use one hand to tell people how old you are! It's been a busy year for you. Starting kindergarten has been quite the experience. You never complain about going and I know there are many days when you don't want to go. School is not always easy for you. I know that reading and writing are hard. I also know that you kind of live for recess.

You have a great mind. Every day you say things that amaze me. One day that mind will do great things. But your heart is what I pray for daily. Your sweet tender heart that is so sensitive. Just yesterday, you came home telling me about this bully on the playground. He had called you a stupid butthead and pushed you down. I immediately wanted to find out who it was and deal with it but you said, "Don't worry mom, I can deal with it. I have a plan." And I'm sure you will. Knowing you, you will use that great mind of yours to outwit this kid.

With every year that goes by, my love for you deepens but as it deepens it changes. You aren't as cuddly as you used to be, especially in public. I can feel that little boy need for his mommy lessening, I'm ok with that. It's what's supposed to happen.

Happy 6th Birthday! I know that this year will be full. Full of happy moments, full of extremely sad times, full of learning, full of love. You are one loved little boy. I thank God for giving us such an awesome kid.

What to do?

2009-02-22T09:04:00.003-05:00

This week has been full of appointments and phone calls. I took Samuel to the developmental pediatrician on Wednesday. It was downtown, right next to Grady Hospital. We met with Dr. Rubin. He was phenomenal. Some people are born to do their job and he is one of them. You could tell he loves kids and Samuel responded so well to him. He works out of an autism clinic and I think he deals with mostly autistic kids. I could tell that Samuel was a breath of fresh air for them. Samuel is very compliant when all the attention is on him and didn't complain at all during any of the exams. Most of the kids they see have extreme sensory issues so checking their ears, eyes and even weight is a chore.

We spent around three hours there. I had brought quite a bit of information from the school to share with them. They read everything, asked me a ton of questions and spent quite a bit of time with Samuel. So, what did Dr Rubin come up with? Well, he's a complex kid and he's wasn't comfortable in giving him a label until we do further testing. He said it could be ADHD but he also could have a learning issue that is causing these attention issues. Samuel struggles with alot of motor skills. He can't hop, skip and ride his bike very well at all. Dr Rubin said that he uses his right side much more than his left. If you look at his left shoe it is worn alot less than his right. So, he does qualify to get some occupational therapy help. Thankfully, this is covered under our insurance.

I was glad that we didn't get a label. That's not what I'm after. Samuel definitely has some real attention issues that will become more of an issue as academics get more difficult. But I want the pieces of this puzzle to fit and right now they are not.

His recommendation was to have full psychological testing done. That way we can see the way Samuel learns and where is strengths and weaknesses are. The bad news is a good private psychologist is $2500. His school can do it but I'm not sure how thorough they will be. Samuel is functioning ok in school. But he has a great teacher who has done a ton of accommodations for him. He's in kindergarten. This is a walk in the park compared what is coming.

If money was not an issue, I would have him tested right away. One of the psychologists I talked to this week would be awesome. He would spend at least 40 hours on Samuel between going to the school for observations, talking to his teachers, and multiple sessions with Samuel testing him. He then would come back to the school with his findings.

So, that is where we are. And I'm not sure what to do. There are some psychologists on our health plan but we all know that many of them are awful. We could wait and see what happens in the next year and hope for the best. These choices as a parent are the toughest.

She's got it and not afraid to use it...

2009-02-21T14:09:00.005-05:00

Recently, Sophia has been perfecting the art of pouting. I'm sure this picture will bring back some memories for my mom and dad. Not only does she look like me but she's learning to use that huge bottom lip. George swears he doesn't fall for it. I beg to differ.

Funny little guy

2009-02-14T15:38:00.002-05:00

So, it's Valentine's Day. We don't make a huge deal out of it but I always get the kids a little something. Samuel got a microphone so he could sing all his rock star songs and Sophia got a little cheap piano to play along with him. I regretted the purchase almost as soon they opened them. Now, it's a few hours later and my ears hurt.

I took Samuel to run some errands with me a few hours ago. As we were walking into Target, he asked if he could buy a toy for himself. I gave a very mom type of answer, "Money doesn't grow on trees." And he gave me a smart and logical answer, "You're right mom. Money is made out of paper and paper comes from trees. So money is made out of trees not on trees."

Then as we were walking down the underwear aisle he said, "Look mom! Some boobie holders!"

Song

2009-02-13T16:13:00.003-05:00

Here is Samuel's class singing their little Valentine song. Enjoy!

Update

2009-02-11T21:21:00.002-05:00

George took Tony to the hospital this morning for another scan. The tumors seem to be stable which means they are not getting bigger but they are not shrinking either. What they did see was where the original tumor was, there is some fluid. This fluid is one of the reasons that he is having trouble breathing. The drainage is apparently from the pus in the tumor cells. George will take him back tomorrow so they can drain the fluid. The doctors are also going to change his chemo once again. He has been taking a pill everyday and this has been making him incredibly weak. I'm not sure any chemo pill is going to make him feel great but maybe he will have a little more energy with the new one.

George is drained. So much is on him right now. He broke down yesterday in front of his dad. If only we could think as simply and beautifully as a child. We have been broaching the subject of death with Samuel. We've talked to him about it before but not really in terms of somebody he knows. His response the other day after our conversation was,

"Mom, isn't heaven so much better than earth anyway? So, they'll be happier, right? Why be so sad?"

Priceless

2009-02-09T21:31:00.002-05:00

Sophia was sitting on my lap the other day as I was looking through some pictures. I was showing her the black and white ones of Tony. I thought her comment was pricelss.

"Mama, turn the light on."

Warming up!

2009-02-08T10:02:00.008-05:00

My poor neglected blog... Let's see what's gotten in the way this week... Mainly, the stomach bug. I was sick for a good three days, even though I worked through most of it. Samuel seemed to have it for twelve hours and then it was gone. Sophia has been fine throughout. Today, I feel back to normal.

I feel like I am in a constant state of stress. I don't like feeling this way. Tony is not doing well. I try and go over there a few times a week. It's hard with the kids. To try and contain them in one room and keep the noise level down is not easy. Work has been stressful. The counties in Georgia are making major cuts. They are not hiring for next year and letting go quite a few people already. I am hoping my job is secure, but you never know. We have a department meeting tomorrow afternoon with our principal. I'll find out more then. George's business is suffering too. People are just not buying. All I can say is that I hope things get better.

I am going to try and post more this week. It's a welcome relief for me to write and take pictures. I've missed it and am going to be more consistent.

The weather this weekend is in the high sixties and it's been a welcome relief from the twenties and thirties we've had the last two weeks. We went on a walk to the creek yesterday and I took a few pictures. And yes, the dag um mouse came with us. He's growing on me..

Sad

2009-02-02T09:54:00.005-05:00

div>Sundays have always been our family day. Tony used to come over every Sunday. Recently, we have had to go to him. He tires easily, so we all just hang out on the bed. I'm not sure how long he has. He is on oxygen and that seems to help him with the breathing. I can see his spirits lift when he sees the kids. George is hurting. He goes to see his dad every morning before work and makes him breakfast. He stops by every afternoon on his way home. We all know time is limited.

I am trying to take pictures everytime we are together.

Positive

2009-01-27T21:18:00.003-05:00

We had Samuel's SST this morning. It was very positive. And I have to tell you once again how amazing Samuel's teacher is. She started off by showing everyone the two pictures of Samuel that I sent to her at the beginning of the year, the one with the frog and the stick. She just wanted everyone to get a little picture of what kind of kid he is. She called him an explorer or scientist, his mind never stops. She explained how intelligent he is but how he is not performing like she know he should. He is on grade level. His reading is coming along. But he has so much more potential.

Then she told us some of the tricks she uses to help him succeed. Samuel can not just sit and listen without moving some part of his body. So when she works with his group, she lets him play with her shoe, or pant cuff. This might sound a little weird but I can totally see him doing that. He listens so much better when he's in motion. I just love that she lets him do that.

She told us that yesterday Samuel found a dead squirrel on the playground. He was so very excited about it and wanted to show it to her. So, he got a stick and bought it over to the group of teachers. And do you know what she did? Got down with him and looked at it. They spent some time examining it and then he took it back over to the bushes.

Mrs D has been exactly what our boy needs. She really loves and understands him. That's all I prayed for. Sitting there in that meeting, I felt like she totally went to bat for him. The psychologist gave us a checklist to fill out. We will take the results to the developmental pediatrician next month.

I was so dreading this school year. It's been tough but nothing like I expected. Mrs D said today that he is definitely not a behavior problem in her class. My fear is what will happen when he gets a teacher that doesn't truly love and understand him. Maybe I should ask if she wants to move up to first grade?

I'm awesome

2009-01-25T20:50:00.002-05:00

We've had a good weekend and I'm actually looking forward to a busy week. On Tuesday, we have an SST set up for Samuel. We are all going to talk about his progress or lack of it. He has done well since the break. I think he has only gotten on a third warning once this past Thursday. When I talked to him about it, he told me that only one of the warnings was for a "real" reason and the other ones weren't a big deal. I thought for sure Mrs. D would call me but she didn't. I saw her on Friday when I ate lunch with Samuel. We talked for a few minutes. I asked her about the day before and she said,

"Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I could tell it was something that he really couldn't help."

I can't tell you how awesome it is that we have gotten to this point. She totally gets him. She knows he's a good kid who wants to do well but sometimes he forgets. I have stopped making a big deal about his behavior at home, unless he is being defiant, disrespectful, or blatantly disobeying the school rules.

It's true, sometimes he just can't help it. This doesn't make the behavior any less annoying or infuriating. Just today he got his little mouse stuck in the wires of a notebook, lost a toy inside one of our walls, interrupted countless conversations, made his sister cry a dozen times. Need I go on?

Today some of the older neighbor kids were out. He ran out excited to play with them. A few minutes later, I hear a knock on the door.

"Would it be ok if Samuel not play with us today?"

He came inside and sat on the couch, dejected. I got down on my knees, took his little face and said.
"You know that you are the coolest kid ever, right?"
"I know."
"Even when other kids are mean to you, daddy and I think you're the best."
"Yeah."
"Are you sad?"
"No, I know I'm awesome."

We will have plenty of conversations like this in the future. And right now, as you can see, he doesn't feel too badly about himself. Let's hope that this will last.

Weakness

2009-01-22T10:31:00.003-05:00

The other night I was putting Samuel to bed. I hugged and kissed him like I always do. He looked up at me and said,

"You know mom, love is my weakness."

And, he's right. Our little boy loves hard. When you love hard, you will get hurt, alot. But you know what? I'm glad he's a little romantic. He has a sensitive heart. And what a treasure that is.

Right on, again

2009-01-19T14:21:00.004-05:00

I took this picture yesterday. I have a few pictures that capture the essence of my boy. This is one of them. From the expression on his face to the word on his shirt...

And then there's this one. I have no words...

Right on!

2009-01-17T12:34:00.009-05:00

Once in awhile you buy a toy for one of your children and you hit it right on. It's been super cold here for the last few days so we haven't been able to play outside. So, I pulled out something called Martian Matter.

You make your own aliens by mixing some type of goo and play-doh together. Samuel is all about creating and two hours have gone by and he's still going.

Here is with one of his aliens. Look at those eyes and those ears! And that perpetually dirty face!

While Samuel made his creations, his sister entertained herself playing with her dolls. And I have finally managed to put pigtails in her hair! And yes, her face is dirty too.

Samuel's trip

2009-01-11T11:08:00.027-05:00

I finally got the chance to download the 500+ pictures that Samuel took over the last few weeks. I've got to say that digital camera we bought him has been one of the best purchases that we have made. Sure, the picture quality is lousy but he loves that thing. Keep in mind that this is a five year old and the pictures look like a five year old took them. So, here is our DR trip taken from his perspective.

On our way to the airport

On the airplane Mom and dad picking us up at the airport. Five year old fun with the family Random pictures from over the week

And here are two of the more than 100 silly videos he took.

Mouse house?

2009-01-10T16:39:00.006-05:00

It's been a rainy and cold Saturday, not a good combination for small children. So, the kids got creative. Why not play with the mouse in the dollhouse? This is our second mouse. He goes by DJ some days and Whiskers other days. He doesn't look well. I think he might be on his way out too. If this one dies, we will not buy another one. Mice do not do well in the hands of a five year old, especially mine.

Wow!

2009-01-07T11:38:00.004-05:00

I don't know how to use Photoshop. I have the program but I don't have time to edit my photos. So pretty much I crop and fix the red eye. Well, the other day I decided to play a lttle bit with a picture I had taken of Sophia. Did you know that there is a band-aid tool?
Here's what I did.
The before photo:

The after one:

Pretty cool! So now maybe I'll post some bikini photos of me after I photoshop twenty pounds off of me! Yeah, right...

Bear with me while I play

2009-01-04T17:24:00.009-05:00

I've basically wasted the day away playing with my new camera. I still haven't looked at the manual. And I haven't been able to take it outside to take pictures because it has been rainy and yucky. But it's been fun and I will spend the next few hours cramming a whole day's worth of housework in.

The only way I can get my kids to sit still for an extended period of time is to feed them while I shoot pictures. So, I took these while Samuel ate a pomegranate. It's pretty obvious when you see the red spots all over his face.

New camera

2009-01-03T17:24:00.002-05:00

George surprised me with a brand new camera when I returned from the DR. It's awesome but I have no idea how to use it. The manual is huge. I have taken quite a few pictures but this one of Sophia was the only one that is remotely decent. Please ignore the snot and huge scab on her nose. Over the next few weeks I hope to experiment and learn alot. This is the camera that I have been drooling over. George was as excited to give it to me as I was to receive it. Let's just say that he's out of the doghouse for a long long time!

Dominican pictures

2009-01-03T16:59:00.014-05:00

Here are some of the pictures I took during our week. It was really good to be with my brothers and their families. Samuel and Sophia got to connect with their cousins again. Sophia still cries for Anna Catherine.

Trip

2009-01-02T20:47:00.002-05:00

I feel like I have recovered from out trip to the Dominican Republic. It's funny how much a "vacation" takes out of you, especially traveling alone with the kids. The trip there was quite eventual, to say the least.

As you know, I was traveling stand-by. This type of travel stresses me out. So when we left for the airport on Tuesday, I was already highly stressed. This definitely did not help the situation. We woke up early that morning. I wanted to leave the house by 7:15 giving us time to stop at Starbucks on our way to the airport, knowing that I would need that caffeine. We left with plenty of time. We arrived at the airport at 8:00. The flight left at 10:15. I felt confident that we were there in plenty of time. This was before I saw the lines at ticketing. We tried the e-ticket booth. It was a no go. Maybe it had something to do with the Ibrahim last name. So we got in line. Sophia was strapped into her stroller. We had one suitcase, a stroller, a car seat, my carry on bag, Sophia's backpack and Samuel's backpack. It took us forever to find the end of the line. It curled around and around. We finally found it. George waited with us for awhile. But he had to go to work and really there was nothing he could do except be miserable with us. So he left. The line was slowly moving. The clock was ticking. I was worried. It's one thing when you have a ticket. It's a whole other ballgame when you have no idea if there our going to be seats for your family. We waited in line until around 9:45. Thirty minutes until the plane leaves. I was loosing hope. We got to the ticket agent.
"I can't check your bag, it's too late. And the plane is full."
"Just let me through. I won't check a bag."
You've read how much stuff we had. George was gone. It was just me, the kids, and our mountain of stuff. And thirty minutes until the plane takes off. The lady looked at me like I was crazy but handed me my tickets. Of course, no boarding passes yet.

The Atlanta airport is huge. It's a hike to the international gates. And we still had security to go through. I carried the car seat like a backpack, put my carry on across my shoulder, stuffed Sophia's backpack in the stroller, pushed the stroller with one hand and pulled my suitcase with another. Samuel was in charge of his backpack. You should of seen the looks I got. And, we were moving fast. Security was a nightmare. You basically have to undress yourself and the kids, put everything, including the stroller, through the scanner, get dressed again, make sure I've got all the stuff and head out to the train to the gate. At this point, I almost gave up. I had no idea if we would even get on. But I decided to continue on. When we left security it was 10:00.

In order to get to the train, you either have to take the long, long escalator or the elevator. The elevator had around 15 people in wheelchairs waiting. How was I going to get all my stuff and the kids on the escalator? This is when the first angel came to help us. A man saw my plight and took my suitcase and the car seat. I put the stroller on the escalator and turned around to check that Samuel had gotten on. I was going down and he was at the top, scared that his Crocs were going to get caught on the escalator. With the help of some sweet strangers, they helped him on and I met him at the bottom. We hopped on the train. The five stops that it took to get to the international gates, seem to take forever. I knew that at this point we had to run. I told Samuel that once we were off the train we were booking it and he had to keep up. Now imagine the sight. Running with all that stuff, the car seat banging my back with every stride, trying to navigate between the hundreds of people. We got to our gate at 10:15. I ran straight up to the desk. He must have known that I was flying stand-by and a little bit stressed. One look at us and I'm sure he knew.
"It must be your lucky day. A connecting flight is late. There are three extra seats on the plane."

I literally fell to the ground in relief, tears in my eyes. I hugged the kids.

I could go on and on. We got on the plane and had to wait for over an hour for the pilot. We had the three seats in the very back of the plane. The ones I'm sure they save for mothers with young children. No window seat, extremely loud, and right next to the stinky bathroom. It was not pleasant. Sophia had been sitting for over two hours in her stroller. Then she had to sit for four more hours. She was not happy. And we had gone through all the fun special snacks before we even got on the airplane. Not good. But we got on the plane. That was all that mattered.
We got to the DR, tired, dirty, but very grateful for the opportunity to be with my family.

Adventures like these are what make life fun. If it had been smooth and easy, it certainly wouldn't make a fun blog entry. I will post pictures tomorrow.

Just one of the many reasons I really like this kid

2008-12-21T19:56:00.004-05:00

Every year a church very near our house does a walk through Bethlehem. It's neat. They set up a little town with booths that are something you might have seen back then. One of the first booths in the town had a man with gold chocolate coins. Any kid who who sings a song gets some chocolate. I have no idea what this has to do with Bethlehem but Samuel wanted to sing. We waited in line. Most kids sang Jingle Bells or Away in a manger. A few did Jesus loves me. I didn't coach Samuel on what to sing. I figured he'd sing a Christmas song. Finally it was our turn.
He pulled out his air guitar and in his best rock star voice sang a John Mayer song.
"Say what you need to say, say what you need to say..." He went on and on, some of Mayer words and a few added ones of his own. The coin man wasn't quite sure what to say. I thought it was great. Definitely all Samuel, way out of the ordinary.

We hope to leave Tuesday morning. The plane is full but we are hoping for some no shows. Please pray that the three of us get on!

Tony

2008-12-21T16:48:00.007-05:00

We had Christmas with Tony today. He had another scan this week and it showed that the cancer has not grown but it hasn't shrunk either. Which means the chemo has stopped working. They have stopped the chemo and will give him another scan in three months. The one thing we are thankful for is that is quality of life will be better. Chemo is some awful stuff.

He gets very tired so we only stayed for a an hour or so. We gave him a warm hat and some slippers. It hit both George and I that this will probably be Tony's last Christmas.

Early Christmas

2008-12-20T11:04:00.008-05:00

We decided to have Christmas this morning. The kids don't care what day we have Christmas, as long as it happens. We went very simple this year and I found some great deals!

This is the dollhouse we found 75% off. I really don't think she'll play with it much until she's older but I couldn't pass it up.

A stocking stuffer that I thought was pretend make-up, oops!

A digital camera!

A Leapster!

And here is a short video of Sophia opening her baby doll.

Tough skin

2008-12-19T09:06:00.002-05:00

I have been both taking and picking Samuel up from school. The bus is hard on him. It's very unstructured. The kids tend to be rowdier than in a normal setting. We tried it out for a few weeks and I felt it was going to be a source of stress for the both of us. So I took him off. This week I have had a ton to do. So, I thought we'd give it a try for a few mornings. The first day, no problems. This morning, I get to the bus stop and one of the moms said in a very "sweet" voice.
"Samuel, did you spit on someone yesterday on the bus?"
"No"
"Are you sure because both of my boys said you did."
At this point I look at him and tell him that it's in his best interest to tell me the truth. Let's just say that he didn't get on the bus this morning.

In the car, we talked about it. Apparently some kid called a him a stupid head. And, Samuel proceeded to spit on him. We talked about better choices that he could have made. I could talk to this kid about good choices for hours. But what it comes down to, is he cannot seem to control his impulses. It is obvious that he felt bad after. He knew that he had made a stupid choice. But he felt threatened and did what came to his head.

So, we won't do the bus. I guess what got to me, was the judgement I felt by the moms. I'm sure they think Samuel is a brat. I am the first to say that he can be annoying and impulsive and a little out of control. But when you look past that, he has such a great heart. He's sensitive. I know he feels like at times he is spinning out of control and doesn't know what to do. I am not going to stand at the bus stop and make excuses for my son. If they don't want their kids around mine, it's their loss. They can think what they want.

Sorry, for my rant. I needed to get it off my chest. Off to the class party...

Almost there!

2008-12-18T14:59:00.003-05:00

I feel like I can finally breathe. I finished up with my last student this afternoon. Tomorrow I am helping with Samuel's "winter" party. Then I will take him out early and we will go deliver presents and make cookies with some of my younger students. One of my little girls, lives in a house with at least twenty people. Her mother is in jail. She has a disorder where she has brain bleeds and seizures. She is repeating the first grade because she has forgotten everything she learned last year. When I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she said a Barbie. So we are going to bring her a Barbie and make cookies at her house. I think it's good to take Samuel with me. Firstly, to see what I do and secondly so he can see how other people live.

I'm hoping to leave for the Dominican Republic sometime in the next few days. A student's father, who is a Delta pilot, has given me some buddy passes. Because of this, we have to wait until the last minute to get our tickets. Let me tell you, this has not been easy. This is a very stressful time of year anyway. This added stress has not been easy. But yesterday, after I got an e-mail for my pilot friend saying that he had to fly to Brazil last minute and we'll look at flights when he gets back, I decided to relax. I will go. I just don't know when. And forget about the part of my flying with two very small and very active children by myself. And forget about trying to plan when to have our family Christmas before we leave. No, I am not going to freak out. Even if my Christmas cards don't get sent. Even if my gifts don't get wrapped and I don't make all the Christmas treats I want to.

Life will go on even when what I want doesn't happen. So hopefully, I'll be with my family in a few short days. And I'll have some pictures of all of us on the beach. If not, I'll post pictures of the kids and I trying to swim across.....

Six more days!

2008-12-10T18:23:00.003-05:00

I have been starting and ending my day at Samuel's school. Because of the county's budget cuts, the powers that be want us to try and cut down on our mileage. One way to do this, is to make my first stopping point, close to home. So I drop Samuel off at 8:30 and am there to pick him up at 3:30. It has been a great way to stay connected. I'm getting to know some of the faculty and can touch base with his teacher fairly often.

Yesterday,I needed to give Mrs. D something so I walked Samuel to his classroom. She was eager to talk to me. We talked in the hall for fifteen minutes. Since Thanksgiving, Samuel has not been on his special behavior point sheet. Mrs D wants to see how he does without it. The first week he did wonderfully. This week, he has had a few rough patches, but nothing major. The biggest thing I got from our conversation was that she doesn't think that Samuel is a real discipline problem. The more she gets to know him, the more she sees how inattentive he seems and has such a hard time focusing. She gave me an example of a story she was reading to the class. Every kid was looking at her, hanging on her every word. But not my boy. He was looking at everything but her. He was playing with his jacket. He was kicking his feet. He obviously wasn't paying attention.

For some reason, I felt good about our conversation. She is beginning to see how hard school is on him. He wants to do well. He tries his hardest on most days. School is only going to get harder on him as he gets older. She is also seeing how smart he is. Her words were,"I just want to be able to tap into his intelligence."

We are so blessed to have her. I can tell that she genuinely loves my boy. Sure, he's not easy but she sees past that and wants to make him succeed. She is documenting what happens during his day. This will be key when we do take him to the pediatrician in February.

Posting will be pretty limited the next week or so. I have six very full days left of work. Can't wait for the break!

??

2008-12-09T16:17:00.002-05:00

"Mom, can we celebrate Hanukkah?"

"Why?"

"Well, I told Mrs D. that we were jewies."

Mouse

2008-12-07T19:26:00.006-05:00

Well, I could postpone it no longer. We had to get the mouse. Out of six weeks, Samuel has only had one really bad day at school. Sure, he still isn't paying attention but he's not acting out. On Saturday we went to the pet store to pick one out. Samuel was beside himself. "Are you sure this isn't a dream? Am I going to wake up and this isn't true?"

He is actually kind of cute, in a mouse sort of way. He's tiny so I fear for his life. Samuel has named him Shawn. I know, not really a mouse name. So far, Shawn has survived a tumble down the stairs, a trip up a tree, and the neighborhood kids. George and I are taking bets on how long the little guy will survive. I'm guessing two weeks at the most.

I'm pretty proud of myself. As you know, I am not a rodent lover. I have held the little thing, let him crawl up my arm and actually think he's a nice addition to our family.

On a side note, when we were at the pet store, they had a Santa there. I think he was there to take pictures with people's dogs. This guy was the poorest excuse for Santa that I have ever seen. He had hiking boots on, his beard was hanging way off his face and he was skinny. Sophia hid behind me. Samuel just looked at him. When we got in the car, Samuel said this:

"Mom, I know Santa is not real."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's just an old guy in a costume."

We have never made a big deal about Santa. I really don't tell him one way or another. I certainly don't want him to ruin in for other kids. I guess he knew this because this is what he said next:

"Don't worry mom, I won't tell anybody he's not real."

Finally!!!

2008-12-03T14:41:00.003-05:00

If you don't like reading about bodily functions, stop now and read no further.

Sophia is potty trained! To some this might not seem like a big deal. To me, it's huge! It's been ten days since I decided to not let her wear diapers.(except for night) I knew that she could do it but I had to make the decision to be consistent and stick with it.

The problems came with the pooping. For some reason, she didn't want to. Poor kid held it in for the first three days. On the fourth day, I found her in the corner of a closet, crouched down and crying. It hurt her so much.

"DIAPER!!!"

But I persevered, knowing that she would eventually get over it.

On Monday, I got this e-mail from her babysitter:

I just wanted to let you know that Sophia pooped on the potty!We are having a huge celebration! :)She is so excited! she has told everyone that comes in the door that she pooped! We are sooooooooooo proud of her.

I've got to say that if it wasn't for her babysitter working with her when I work, she wouldn't be potty trained.

So, that's one milestone I am so happy that she has reached.

Stick, again

2008-12-01T15:04:00.004-05:00

We decorated for Christmas over the weekend. Samuel was excited about it and he actually did most of it himself. He went through all the lights to see which ones worked and didn't. He put all the Christmas candles out around the house. He filled the centerpiece with red and gold ornaments. Oh, and he went out and got a stick. Many of you will remember that last year we decorated a branch. The biggest reason we did it last year was because I couldn't find my ornament box anywhere in the attic and I didn't want to go spend the money for all new ornaments. Well, the box is still nowhere to be found. But I did buy a bunch of ornaments last year on discount so at least we would have something to go on the tree.

As we were decorating, he told me he needed something from the backyard and would be right back. I really didn't think much about it. He returned with a large branch. "Here's our tree, mom!" It's really a nice branch. In my opinion, it's much nicer than last years glorified stick. He decorated the entire "tree" on his own. I tried my hardest to convince him that we could go out and buy a tree.
"No, mom. I like this one.
"Are you sure?"
"Yup"

So, I'm not sure what to do. He's happy with it. We will have plenty of years to buy a real tree. I honestly think that Samuel will look back and be happy and pleased that we decorated a branch. Or he'll use it as one of the many way we screwed him up...

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T19:52:00.008-05:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone. We had a very quiet day. Tony wasn't feeling up to a visit and Sophia has a cold, so we couldn't do over there. We did make him a plate and George and Samuel took it over to him. I don't usually have the time to cook so I did enjoy making a nice meal, even if it was just us. We had turkey, creamy herbed potatoes, roasted asparagus, homemade rolls, and three kinds of pie. The weather was beautiful so we took a nice long walk with the kids. Here are some pictures from the last few days.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We missed being with family and I found myself a little melancholy all day. I'm thankful that we'll all be together at Christmas!

School

2008-11-26T15:00:00.002-05:00

Samuel had a horrendous day at school Friday. I knew that it was bound to happen. After four good weeks, he was due. I'm not being a pessimist, I just know my son. But do you know the wonderful thing about him misbehaving at school? He was great at home. He didn't have to hold it in all day. He acted like he wanted to, not how they wanted him to. So when he got home, he didn't have to release it all. Even after the consequences we had to give him for misbehaving at school, he was calm, quiet and content. Part of it was that he knew he had a five day Thanksgiving break from school.

I have been watching his behavior very carefully and trying to look at him more objectively. This is not an easy task as a mom. I'm just so used to him. He's Samuel, crazy, energetic, and headstrong. I've observed him in his class when he's with his peers. And, I have noticed some differences. Last week, I went in to volunteer during reading groups. Here is what I noticed:

1) Samuel notices every single detail that goes on in the class and gets distracted by them. During group time, a lady came into the class with a very similar sweater as Mrs D.
"Mrs D, Mrs D! Look! She has on the same sweater as you!"

2) No patience to wait for his turn. Constantly asking his teachers for help. "Mrs D Mrs D!! I need help now!!

3) Doesn't work independently very well. He wants help or reassurance for every little thing.

4) Does not listen if he is not interested in the task. She was reading a book that I could tell did not interest him at all. Instead of paying attention, he fidgeted, bothered his neighbors and wiggled.

5) Picks up on noises and sounds that other people have a hard time hearing. When we're listening to music, he hears things that I have to listen very hard to hear. This reminds me so much of my brother David. He got distracted and bothered by the smallest noises.

Now I know that all kindergartners do this to some extent but Samuel is on the extreme side when you compare him to his classmates. He's not defiant. He's not mean. He just has a very hard time sitting still and doing what he's told. The normal school setting is going to be a hard place for him.

I did pick up a few books on ADD from the library. I read some excerpts to George about the signs of being ADD.
"Well, if that is ADD, I sure as heck have it."

I certainly don't want to jump on the ADD bandwagon. But I also don't want my son to suffer for years and years with people thinking that he's making awful choices when in fact in some ways he can't help himself. I am glad now that I have an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. I really feel that they can give us some guidance about what we can do to help Samuel be more successful in school.

Little devil

2008-11-25T12:19:00.003-05:00

Continuing in his devilish path, I overhead this little conversation coming from the upstairs bathroom. It's never a good sign when both kids are in the bathroom with the door shut.

"Try it. It's yummy."

"No, it yucky."

"It's like yummy candy. Really!"

"No, it not."

"Just pretend I'm giving you some medicine."

At this point I open the door and see my boy with the toilet bowl brush, sticking it straight into Sophia's open mouth. Poor trusting soul that she is. She will learn.

Not very shiny

2008-11-24T14:45:00.002-05:00

The downside to having good days at school, is that Samuel has been horrid at home. Maybe horrid is too nice of a word. He's been downright devilish. I think he is holding much of it in at school, so when he gets home, he has to let it go. And I'm the lucky recipient. Well, I guess Sophia is too.

George has been working long hours. This hasn't helped the situation at all. Samuel does much better with both of us around. When we get home and daddy isn't there, he gets a bit teary eyed. Then he lets out his emotions by not listening, terrorizing his sister, and pushing every button that I have.

Saturday afternoon we both hit an all time low. I had promised the kids that we would go rent a movie and then stop at the grocery store and pick a favorite snack. In the car he would not stop tormenting his sister. In the store, he would not let her in the car part of the cart. He asked for everything he knew he couldn't have. I left the cart in the aisle, grabbed him by the arm, put them back in the car and went home. I was doing all the wrong things as a parent. I yelled at him and spanked him, all out of anger. I sent him to his room forever. I did not want to see his face. I did not want to hear his voice. I was done. He slammed his door and I could hear him sobbing in his room. So, I did what I knew I needed to do. I went up there and held him. He cried. I cried. I apologized and so did he. We worked through it and our evening went alright.

Saturday was not one of my shining moments as a parent. These last few weeks, I feel like I have had more bad moments than good. As Samuel gets older, his life is getting more stressful. He is expected to do more at home and at school. Our job as parents is to help alleviate some of the stress and teach him some ways to cope with it. Many kids skate along life. Stress? What's that? Obviously, Samuel is not a skater. Life is difficult for the little guy. And lately, I am not doing a very good job with teaching him coping skills. I never knew what an extremely involved job parenting would be. It's not about if we are going to damage our kids. It's how much damage are we doing?

Life

2008-11-20T15:02:00.004-05:00

Tony had his fourth chemo treatment on Monday. For the last few weeks, he has been wiped out. Chemo is so awful on your body. He's weak, tired, has sores in his mouth, and has lost feeling in some of his extremities. When we go visit, he's in bed. I try and bring the kids to see him once or twice a week. I can tell it brings him joy. But he tires quickly and we don't stay long.

George has been working some very long hours at the store. So long, that I have been feeling like a single parent. He has totally computerized all the inventory. He's redone the wine section and is getting rid of all the clutter. I finally see some excitement in him about what he is doing. The biggest reason is that Tony has let go of some of his control. But not all of it. The other day I was at Tony's with the kids. I sat with Tony and was telling him how excited George was about the store and told him how good the store was looking. He half heartedly agreed that George was taking some interest but then went right into complaining about this and that and how George still didn't know anything about the business.

It's useless to try and explain to Tony that George is trying to take the store into the 21st century. It's the only way they can compete with the mega stores. Tony has never taken risks. When you don't take risks, no growth happens.

I am proud of George. I've taken a few trips to the store with him and he's proudly shown me what he's doing. His dad has always been so hard on him. I can see that when he gives George just a tiny compliment, George gobbles it up. Can you imagine living with a dad like that as a young boy? It has warped George in such obvious ways. He hungers for compliments. Even when he does a small tasks, he needs encouragement and reinforcement.

I'm not sure how long we will be doing this. Business has slowed down along with the economy. I am so thankful that I got the extra hours this school year. We'll see what the next year brings. We are living one day at a time, trying to enjoy the abundance of what God has given us. We have much to be thankful for.

Sweet moment

2008-11-19T21:47:00.003-05:00

We are going on week five of fairly good school behavior for our little guy. I get his little folder every day after school. Here are some examples of his typical "bad" behaviors. These are the little notes that are written by his teacher on his sheet.

1) walking in the hallway was a challenge today-many reminders of being in control of body
2) continued to throw leaves on friends after I asked him to stop
3) talking about diarrhea during lunch
4) not coming when called at recess
5) putting food in friend's drink during lunch
6) not listening to instructions during calendar math
7) not keeping hands to himself(we get this one alot!)
8) yelling to friend across the cafeteria
9) refusing to write during writing workshop
10) not paying attention to instructions-acting silly instead(another one that we get quite a bit)
11) not able to sit still, in constant motion

So when he does get a sad face on his sheet, these are the things he has been doing. He has stayed on one warning or less every day. When he gets home, he's exhausted and the last thing he wants to hear is a lecture on what he can do to change his behavior.

Tonight I read him a book about a boy who thought his mom was mean and didn't know why people thought moms were so special. (I know my boy thinks this quite a bit) One night he hears some noise and sees some aliens taking his mother to their spaceship. Apparently there are no moms on Mars so they wanted to kidnap one. The little boy sneaks on the ship to see what they are going to do to his mom. Once on mars, he sees how badly Mars functions without moms around. As he is walking around the planet, the boy trips and falls, breaking his space helmet. He is having trouble breathing when suddenly his mom appears, takes off her helmet and gives it to him. She immediately falls to the ground, and can't breathe.

At this point I look over at Samuel and he has tears in his eyes. "Is she going to die?" I am prepared to change the story, if the storyline kills the mom off. But fortunately mom survives. The martians bring her an extra helmet. Samuel is relieved but the tears continue. "Mom, I don't want you to die before me. No one is going to come and take you away are they? Why did she give the boy her helmet?"

I held my sensitive boy tightly and reassured him that aliens weren't going to kidnap me in the middle of the night. I told him that that is how much moms love their kids. That we are willing to die for them.

Before bed he hugged me five or six times before letting me go. He held my face and kissed me. "Man, do I love you!"

So maybe he has some "bad" behaviors. But these moments are the ones I am going to hold on to.

Hearing

2008-11-18T10:05:00.001-05:00

We just got back from Samuel's audiology appointment. He passed, not a real shocker. Since he is interested in all things medical, my boy was in hog heaven. And Lisa, the audiologist was great with him. He asked a million questions about how everything worked. She did three different tests and he passed all of them by a pretty big margin. We could not check for a processing problem because he has to be seven.

Her comment to me after was, "It seems like he gets distracted by all that's in his head."

Sound familiar?

Proud moment

2008-11-14T07:56:00.003-05:00

So maybe he's not reading yet but can your kid make a beer display like this?

I was upstairs cleaning and I had no idea he was displaying this for the world to see. He even made a sign that said $1.00 beer. Maybe he is spending a little too much time at the liquor store...

Conference

2008-11-12T09:33:00.002-05:00

We had Samuel's conference yesterday. This is the twice a year conference that every parent gets. They go over academic expectations and how your child is performing. I feel like I talk to Mrs D alot. I didn't have many questions.

So, I didn't learn anything new. I found it amusing that she started the meeting by explaining why Samuel had received S's(satisfactory) on his report card and not E's(exceeds standards).I guess most parents at Simpson are upset when their child doesn't get E's. I told her that I'm fine with the S's. That he might be an S and not an E kind of kid. I'm sure this is not what she's used to coming from a parent. Then she talked about his reading and writing. He's progressing fine just not as quickly as the Simpson standards. He is reading on a level 2 and by the end of the year, they want all upcoming first graders on a level 4. But the expectations are for Simpson kids to be much higher than a 4. So maybe he'll be higher or maybe he'll be at a 4. He is improving in his behavior. But he still gets a fair amount of sad or straight faces on his behavior sheet, not all smileys. I doubt Samuel will ever be an all smiley kid.

Of course, I would love Samuel to be excelling at school. And he is in certain areas. He loves anything hands on. He is that kind of learner. Right now, math and science are extremely hands on. So, he's doing great in those areas. But reading is hard for him. Writing is too. It takes work and patience. His handwriting is not good. I would love for him to listen and pay attention all the time, to get all smileys. But he is not that kid. I am not going to push him to perform so hard that he starts hating to read and write. Maybe he is not developmentally ready to do it. It will come. George had a really hard time doing these things at the beginning. But they came, eventually.

I don't want to sound apathetic or like my expectations for him are low but I live in the land of reality. I just don't want to sound the alarm, when my kid is only five. I am trying to encourage him to do his best without making him feel pressured to perform. He has a love and thirst to learn. Isn't that what kindergarten is all about? Sitting him down every night and making him write his letters, is not going to make him love school. Drilling sight works into him every day, is going to make him hate reading.

I did schedule an audiology appointment next week. I know the audiologist that works out of the office that I do. She is going to give him an extensive test. My thinking is why not? She looks at auditory processing too. I also made an appointment with a developmental pediatrician. They evaluate children who have developmental, academic and/or behavioral difficulties. There are only five of these pediatricians in the Atlanta area, and one takes our insurance. Our appointment is not until February. My thinking again is why not? If he does have ADD or some type of learning disability, I would love to get him the help he needs.

After the meeting with Mrs D, I went to the classroom, to say hi to Samuel. On my way out, the paraprofessional, pulled me aside. She showed me a framed picture of her grown son. And she said, "He was trouble in school, full of mischief. He is now in the army and has grown to be a wonderful man. It was her way of saying, "Don't worry. Samuel will be ok."

Hairdryer

2008-11-09T20:32:00.006-05:00

We had a gorgeous weekend. I got a ton done around the house and had two nights out without the kids. So, I feel refreshed and ready to tackle a busy week.

When it comes to physical appearance, I am not very high maintenance. If George and I are going somewhere, I can shower and be ready to go in fifteen minutes. I hardly ever leave the house with makeup and what I do wear, I put on in the car. This weekend George and I got the chance to hang out with other adults both Friday and Saturday night. For some reason, I decided to take a little extra time on my appearance. I had finished my shower and was in my closet deciding what to wear, when I spotted a very dusty and hardly used hairdryer. I never dry my hair. I wash and go. But that night, I decided to change things up a bit and actually let something besides the wind, dry my hair.

So, I dusted the thing off, plugged it in and it worked! I began to dry my hair. Not two minutes had gone by, when two little bodies popped into the bathroom. Samuel began with his questions, "Mom, what's that? Why are you doing that to your hair? What's that stuff on your eyes? Why are you wearing a dress?
My children have never seen or heard a hairdryer. I explained to them what it was, let them feel the warm air on their hair. Pretty fascinating stuff.

It was actually fun dressing up a little bit and going out. Moms don't do this enough. We forget what it feels like to "feel" pretty. My little girl summed it up in her two year old way, "Mama, you a pettee pinpess!" I twirled a few times for her and her eyes lit up.

Maybe next weekend I'll let them see what the iron looks like....

Here are a few pictures from the park I took this weekend.

Quirky

2008-11-06T10:03:00.003-05:00

I've been a special education teacher for a long time. It's a big part of me. When you teach kids with disabilities day in and day out, they seem "normal" to you. Instead of seeing their differences as negative, you see begin to see them as what makes these kids unique and special. They're quirkiness becomes endearing. And you see "normal" kids as somewhat boring.

Now, I have a quirky kid of my own. I try very hard not to compare him to other kids. I've always known he was different. But I see these differences as what makes him exceptional. He has a hard time sitting still? Let him run around. He loves to be read to, but fidgets alot. Give him a wipe off board and let him draw as I read. When he's in the middle of an activity and really into it, he hates having to leave it to do something he considers mundane. So, give him ample warnings so he doesn't feel surprised. He has a huge need for validation and hates to be told what to do. So, make him a part of the problem solving process.

Do I do these things every day? No. Sometimes I loose it. I want him to listen and sometimes I just don't have the patience to do these steps. But they work. He takes extra time, much more than your average kid.

Now, he's being thrown into a school setting where he is expected to do things like everyone else. Now, his differences are not seen as making him exceptional, they are looked at as taking way too much time away from instruction. The school doesn't want to treat him any differently then the other kids. They want what works for everybody to work for him. That would be ideal. But what if doesn't work?

These are some of the questions I have been wrestling with lately. Samuel has actually had two good weeks at school. He still loves getting up in the morning and going. He never complains about hating school. If this starts happening, George and I will really have to think long and hard about what we are going to do.

Fall pics

2008-11-04T14:51:00.007-05:00

Today is the first day that I have felt half decent. Luckily, the kids just had runny noses and it never amounted to anything major.

We had the day off which has been wonderful. Samuel and I just got back from voting. He was really into the whole process. He got to press all the buttons and seemed to understand how important it is to be able to vote.

For some reason, I haven't been able to download any of the Halloween pictures from last week. I think the memory card I used is no longer working. Of course, the kids had fun. Sophia was a fairy and Samuel was a ghost. I didn't want to go out and buy new costumes, so we just used what we had. Apparently, I am incredibly out of the "little girl" loop. We had so many people come ask us which fairy Sophia was. I was not aware that there are multiple fairies and they all have names. Sophia could care less and frankly, so do I. Maybe when she starts school, she'll start getting into all that stuff.

Here are a few pictures from last week. We carved pumpkins and had a fire in the backyard. Samuel and George are cut from the same material when it comes to fires. Both of them had a blast.

yuck

2008-11-01T20:44:00.002-04:00

I'm alive but barely... I think I have the flu-fever-sore throat-achey. The kids have been sick off and on this week and now, I've got it. I'll update when we all feel better.

Drug free?

2008-10-27T20:58:00.002-04:00

This week is drug free week at Samuel's school. I knew about it but didn't give it a second thought because he's in kindergarten. How much will they talk about drugs?

He came home today, proudly displaying his red ribbon.

"Mom, it's drug week at school!"

When I asked him what that meant, he told me what drugs were.

"You know mom, beer and smoking, things that are really bad for you. I told Mrs D that you guys drink beer all the time and that I even try it sometimes."

Great, kindergarten teachers don't really believe what their students tell them, do they? Or should I be expecting a visit from social services?

Life with a boy

2008-10-27T10:13:00.003-04:00

Samuel caught two lizards this past weekend. One, he kept for a day and then we made him let it go. Another one, he caught yesterday afternoon. He put him in his little bug house. I didn't realize that he had taken him on some errands with us yesterday until I heard Samuel say, "Oops, where did he go?" So he was loose in the car.

Guess who just jumped on my shoulder and almost caused me to run my car into a tree? Luckily, I was driving slowly through a neighborhood. He's still in the car, hiding somewhere inside my headrest. I know the guy is little and shouldn't make me jumpy. But, my heart is still racing. And, I have many places to go today. Guess I have a new companion.

Frustrated

2008-10-24T10:05:00.003-04:00

Samuel has been on his new star behavior sheet for three weeks. He had two tough days this week, Tuesday and Wednesday. Mrs D called and talked to George on Wednesday night. She said that he had found all the loops holes and was again getting around the rules. So, they are changing it once again to cover more areas like the hallway, and transition times. She said that if this didn't work that they would like to give him the BASC, a behavior assessment. That way we can pinpoint if his behaviors are emotional, social,ect.

I realize that Samuel is not your typical kid. I know he needs alot of attention. But is he a kid with serious emotional issues? He's five and he's immature. I feel like I am being railroaded into thinking that my kid is worse than he is. He has his fair share of trouble at home. But I don't think it's any worse that alot of "normal" kids. I do want to know why most of his behaviors at school are attention seeking. He loves to be the center. He struggles when he is not. Why? I don't know. I'm sure this is partly his personality.

I feel myself getting defensive. I also am starting to feel apathetic. Is Samuel rubbing off on me? The other day when he had a tough day at school, he said,
"Mom, it's really not a big deal."
Which is his way of saying,"These jokers are getting me in trouble for the dumbest things. Give me a break!"

Maybe he's right.

What?

2008-10-23T21:06:00.003-04:00

Conversation with my suddenly very mature boy.
" I have a girlfriend."
"You do?"
"Well, she's only my recess girlfriend."
"What's her name?"
"Hold on... not Sarah, or Madison, not Madelaine. Olivia! That's it!"
"Is she pretty?"
"Mom, I only date the pretty ones."

What! Date? How does he even know what that means?

Things learned

2008-10-20T16:34:00.003-04:00

Samuel spends Sunday afternoon with his grandpa Tony. For about a month, Tony was feeling pretty sick so we kept Samuel home. But the last few weeks, grandpa seems to be feeling better, so Samuel has been visiting again. Tony lives in a very diverse neighborhood. Surrounding him he has Bosnian, Mexican, Guatemalan, Russian. I could go on but you get the picture. Samuel has gotten to know many of them. He plays in their houses, eats their food, and tries to talk in their language. I love the diversity and it has been good for our boy. Well, up until yesterday. Let me start off by saying that he could of learned the things he learned yesterday in our neighborhood. But in our neighborhood, when the kids are out, the moms are out. Not so much in Tony's area.

When George picked him up last night, Samuel stuck out his middle finger and said, "What does this mean?" Then, I heard him say, "Shit!", several times when he got home. Now George and I say our share of bad words but we do censor around the kids and I doubt he learned these from us.

I had a little conversation with him this morning. You have to be very careful about these talks. Because if he thinks these things are really really bad, he'll want to say them just for the shock value. So I was sort of nonchalant about the whole thing. I was worried all day that he was going to use what he learned at school today. So far, I haven't gotten a phone call. There's always tomorrow.

Pumpkin patch!

2008-10-18T15:06:00.021-04:00

Today we took a little trip to a local pumpkin patch and corn maze. One of my collegues told me this was a great one for kids and not super crowded so we decided to go. Goerge had to work so it was just me and the little ones.

On the way there, we saw fields and fields of cotton. I stopped and let the kids out.

I had never seen cotton growing up close. It was pretty amazing.

THis place had farm animals all over the place which the kids loved. My favorite was the peacock. I swear that little guy was looking right at me, trying to communicate something. I'm not sure what. Maybe let me out of this cage!

The hayride took us to the cornmaze. Oh, the corn maze! We were lost in the darn thing for over an hour. We and another family finally stuck together and made it out. Good thing because by then, Sophia was done!

Finally the way out!

All pumpkined and corned out!

Report card

2008-10-17T16:40:00.004-04:00

Samuel's first official report card came home this afternoon. Nine weeks have come and gone. As you look at it you will notice two predominant numbers, 49-follow directions and 56-self control. But overall he is making academic gains and hey, in math he is making excellent progress. You might need to click on it to enlarge it but even then, it's a little hard to understand.

The behavior sheet we set up for him has been working and he has had two weeks with one or less warnings at school. I have set up a big reward that he is working toward at home. A mouse! I know I hate rodents but he is super motivated to earn it. When he gets 3o stickers on his chart at home, he will get a mouse. He earns the sticker at home by having a good day at school.

Hopefully, after the next nine weeks we will see less behaviors on the report card. At least, that is what I'm hoping for. I would love for Samuel to be internally motivated to behave but right now he needs a little bribery and I'm ok with that. He's five after all.

Hands on

2008-10-16T19:32:00.003-04:00

This morning I went to help out with the field day at Samuel's school. I forgot to bring my camera which is a shame because it was alot of fun. I took Samuel and one of his little buddies around to all the centers. There must have been 50 different activities for the kids to do. It was two hours long and by the end, the kids were exhausted.

And do you know what I realized? That boys are extremely physical. I mean, I knew this, but seeing at least fifty or sixty kindergarten boys together cemented the fact. Samuel and his friend were hugging, trying to lift each other up, wrestling, pushing. Every time they would run into a boy that they knew, the same thing happened. "Dude!" and they would hug or somehow get their hands on each other. It was amusing to watch.

The other thing I realized was that I could never teach kindergarten. When I left the classroom, almost half the class was crying. The other half was whining. They were hot, tired and upset that their moms were leaving. Samuel thought about crying but held it in. I waved to his teacher on my way out and she somehow smiled and thanked us all for helping. And she had three more hours left with these rug rats!

Poor Samuel was so tired that he fell asleep on the couch around 6:15. I carried him upstairs, still in his field day shirt, face and body filthy, kissed his cheek and thanked God for my very wiggly boy.

Vote

2008-10-15T21:20:00.003-04:00

This afternoon Samuel and I were discussing the election. We have been talking about the candidates for awhile now. I told him that in a few weeks I would be going to vote for our new president.

His response was, "Mom, you should vote for the llama. I like him the best."

Good news

2008-10-14T09:08:00.002-04:00

Tony's cancer has not grown and it is actually half the size that it was! So great news. The doctor did say that the chemotherapy can stop working at anytime and the cancer can come back. But we all are encouraged.