Monday, November 24, 2008

Not very shiny

The downside to having good days at school, is that Samuel has been horrid at home. Maybe horrid is too nice of a word. He's been downright devilish. I think he is holding much of it in at school, so when he gets home, he has to let it go. And I'm the lucky recipient. Well, I guess Sophia is too.

George has been working long hours. This hasn't helped the situation at all. Samuel does much better with both of us around. When we get home and daddy isn't there, he gets a bit teary eyed. Then he lets out his emotions by not listening, terrorizing his sister, and pushing every button that I have.

Saturday afternoon we both hit an all time low. I had promised the kids that we would go rent a movie and then stop at the grocery store and pick a favorite snack. In the car he would not stop tormenting his sister. In the store, he would not let her in the car part of the cart. He asked for everything he knew he couldn't have. I left the cart in the aisle, grabbed him by the arm, put them back in the car and went home. I was doing all the wrong things as a parent. I yelled at him and spanked him, all out of anger. I sent him to his room forever. I did not want to see his face. I did not want to hear his voice. I was done. He slammed his door and I could hear him sobbing in his room. So, I did what I knew I needed to do. I went up there and held him. He cried. I cried. I apologized and so did he. We worked through it and our evening went alright.

Saturday was not one of my shining moments as a parent. These last few weeks, I feel like I have had more bad moments than good. As Samuel gets older, his life is getting more stressful. He is expected to do more at home and at school. Our job as parents is to help alleviate some of the stress and teach him some ways to cope with it. Many kids skate along life. Stress? What's that? Obviously, Samuel is not a skater. Life is difficult for the little guy. And lately, I am not doing a very good job with teaching him coping skills. I never knew what an extremely involved job parenting would be. It's not about if we are going to damage our kids. It's how much damage are we doing?


Anonymous said...

Amen sister and that is why we desperately need Jesus - it just takes days, weeks how ever long for us to realize we can't do it. It's kind of God to be showing you early in your parenting that Samuel needs Jesus and so does Mommy. I know it is hard and discouraging to see all that crap coming out of the two of you but I so believe God is bigger than our sinful parenting and selfish individualism.
A true Thanksgiving for you all!
Thinking of you from afar.