Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Back?






I know, I know, it's been forever. What I've realized is that I needed a break. I'm kind of an all or nothing kind of person. So, this summer I decided to let go of the blog for awhile with the intention that I would start up soon. Well, soon lead to months and the more I procrastinated, the harder it became to start writing again. But, I miss writing. I need an outlet. My entries probably won't be as frequent but I'm back!

Over the summer, we moved. We are only 10 miles from our old house. This house is so much bigger and our family fits so much better. We are not on top of each other. I didn't realize what a difference this would make. I feel so much calmer and at ease.

Because of the move, Samuel has had to change schools. It is a Dekalb County Charter school and only has 400 or so kids. Much different from his old one which had over 1000. It is also very ethnically diverse. And this is a very welcome change.


I knew that after the phenomenal teacher Samuel had last year, that I would be disappointed with every other teacher after her. Well, that certainly has come true this year. He has had a rough beginning to say the least. His classroom has a real lack of structure and consistency. This is a recipe for disaster for my boy. He is probably averaging two "bad" days a week. I got the second call from his teacher this week. It's the same old story, can't keep hands to himself, talking in the hall, arguing, not paying attention. I'm at the point now when I get a message, I listen to it with the phone away from my ear. It's like Charlie Brown's teacher BLAH BLAH BLAAAAA.Most days when I walk into the school, I just want to put a bag over my head so I don't have to talk to his teacher.

So what are we doing? We did get an ADHD diagnosis from a psychologist. He is seeing an occupational therapist once a week for his coordination and sensory issues. He is in karate twice a week to work on both coordination and focus. He is on a waiting list to get psychological testing at Emory. We have an appointment with our pediatrician in a couple weeks to talk about our options. And, we are on a waiting list to see a great psychiatrist from the Marcus Institute at Emory. I called the principal of his school today to see if we could meet and talk about our options. Just writing all this makes me tired.

Every time I think about having to put my kid on medicine it makes me cry. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I know he is extra sensitive and will think that he has to take something to "fix" him. But then I see his self esteem starting to really plummet. "Mom why can't I tell my brain to just stop? It goes too fast. Why am I so stupid? Why can't I be like the other kids?" Hearing these questions every day breaks my heart.

So, we are torn. I wish the answer was quick and easy. It's not and we have a sweet tender boy in the middle. If I let it, guilt would eat me alive. Are we partly to blame? What is this doing to Sophia? How many times have I completely lost my temper with him? Will he be in therapy one day talking about the damage his parents did to him?

Both George and I are praying for God to show us where to go. All we know is that Samuel is an awesome kid. I thank God for each and every one of his quirks. And the world better watch out because whether he is on medicine or not, he is God's special creation and God has a plan for his life. In the words of my most likely ADD husband,

"How do you know that "we" are the ones that need medication? What if all of "you" are the messed up ones and need the medication?"


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for writing again...I'll send you an email with my real thoughts..but briefly as a mom of an ADHD very sweet/tender boy and former teacher who thought we were really overdoing the medication thing as a society, I have to say on behalf of my whole family...the medicine has made a HUGE difference in Nathan's ability to screen out the barrage of sensory overload that he was unsuccessfully tuning out. On days when we don't give Na the medicine we all wonder how we managed to homeschool and do life before without doing irrevocable damage!It was a mercy of God no question. And if there was ever a mom that could embrace this and make the best of it and still immensely appreciate their 'boy', it is you Shelley! :) Will write more later.
Love
Julie x

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