Thursday, November 15, 2007

Is this my life?

Sometimes when I write posts like the one I'm about to, I feel like it's somebody else's life. This really can't be happening to me. But it is and somehow I have the strength to go on.
We got another call from Gab's school today. During Spanish, she had cut herself and tried to write a note to Alex with her blood. Did I really just write that? The call came around 1:30 and they wanted us to pick her up. I was at least thirty minutes away and school gets out at 2:10. I told them to escort her to the bus and I would be home when she got off the bus. Guess who didn't get off the bus? She walked in the door four hours later. What was her reason? I needed to walk. During her absence, we found out that she wasn't with the guy. He was with his grandfather. When we knew this for sure, we had to call the police again. Two times in four days! She was very calm when she got back. We just got done with a two hour chat with her. I feel like we made some headway, but with her you never know. I am going to keep her home until the meeting with both the psychiatrist and the school. I have plenty of closets that need to be cleaned, my fridge is a mess and the baseboards need dusting. The cop told her that the next time we have to call the cops, she goes to juvenile.
Our emotions on a daily basis go from anger, to sadness, to regret, to relief. When she got back tonight,I was so glad to see her. She was safe. Is this rock bottom for her? I have no idea. She seemed open for help. But she's seemed like this before. Part of me, a big part, just wants to scream. For what? Help, mostly. I want a piece of paper that tells me exactly what to do in this situation. I want a direct line to God and I want his voice telling me exactly what to do. I've been praying but I don't have the answers.