Samuel's behavior has been off the wall for the last few weeks. He's been very cranky, obstinate, and disobedient. I mean he's always a little bit like this but lately he's been a lot like this. His behavior seems to be cyclical. He has a good few months and then a month where he's hard to be around. There is always a reason for this change and I try to get to the root of what is going on in his sensitive heart.
Well, I think it's the disappointment of being five. I know it sounds stupid but the poor guy built up this age for so long, that he was bound to be disappointed when he realized that it wasn't much different than being four. He truly believed that he was going to be free of bosses. He was going to rule the Ibrahim household. When life continued as usual, he got angry. He still gets spankings, still has to listen to mom and dad and still has to go to school.
After an exceptionally difficult week with him, I decided to bring up the topic with him today. He admitted that he didn't know why he couldn't be his own boss and he also wanted to know how he could defend himself. I think that a lot of the time when he gets frustrated about not being able to do what he wants to do, he feels powerless. We, as the big adults, are making the decisions for him, and he doesn't agree. So sometimes he wants to lash out physically to "defend" himself. This lashing out usually consists of kicking or hitting. Using his words to defend himself when he's angry doesn't always seem to make the impact that he wants.
When George got home, we both sat down on the couch with him and had a chat. We talked about bosses, God, choices, and anger. I really felt that God reached his little heart. At the end of our conversation, he said, "Yup, I choose God." On the way to the gym this evening he asked me, "What if I forget that I choose God?"
Wouldn't it be great if we never had to be reminded to choose God? I told him that I have to remind myself everyday. I constantly make the wrong choices and have to be guided, sometimes painfully and not very willingly, back to God.
But in the end, after all my mistakes and flaws, I can say, "Yup, I choose God." And guess what? He chose me.