This was our conversation in the car this morning:
"On, on, on, on, on, on, on"
"Why are you saying that?"
"Well, I'm turning my goodness on today. Yesterday it was off. Today it's on."
Since I went back to work, the kids are with the babysitter this week. Samuel had a bad day with her the first day. She gave him a rule, he questioned it or said that he didn't have to follow it. He tested limits, like he always does.
So, last night we had a talk. The same talk we always have. You have to listen, she's an adult, blah,blah, blah.
On my way to work, I had some quiet time to think. It makes me sad that he has to try so hard to be "good". I know that he feels that he has to hold himself back so he doesn't get in trouble.
A part of him is such a normal boy. He's curious, active, and rambunctious. But the other part of him is so incredibly sensitive. It's like both parts of him battle against each other. He wants so hard to be tough but then why do the tears come easily? I want so much to be able to take all the hurt and pain that he will face away. But I know that would do him no good. I have to know and believe that Samuel is in very capable hands. Much more capable then I could ever hope to be. He's our son, but ultimately he is in God's care and I know that he has a wonderful plan for his life.