Heavy heart

Today I became one of those parents. One of those awful parents that requests a teacher change. It was the last straw. I have tried to work with this teacher but I have reached my limit.  I truly think Samuel is too much for her to handle. She's loosing it with him and he knows it. Today I got the upteenth phone call from her.

"He has moved his clip fifty times, I have given him 150 warnings and have had to redirect him every thirty five seconds."

I asked where Samuel was, hoping that he wasn't by her side hearing this. But sure enough, he was right there. I talked to him for a second. He was quiet. I just told him that he had three hours left and just try and hold on.

What gets me is that we just had a meeting Monday and tried to put some interventions in place. The feeling I had coming out of that meeting was that there was no way this teacher could do it. She doesn't have enough structure and control in her classroom. But I thought we'd give it a try. And then yesterday and today were awful days.

So, I called the principal. I held it together and voiced my concern. I told him that Samuel would have difficulty wherever he is. Transistions are hard for him. But he's spiralingdownward fast and I think being in the classroom he is in, is not helping. I told him I knew the teacher was frustrated. I get frustrated with him. He's a tough kid. But it's not a good match.

I have no idea what is going to happen. I felt so bad. But I am Samuel's advocate and have to do what is right. It has been such a huge rollercoaster ride. Today I just lost it in the office with my co-workers. I sat on the couch and cried. And they sympathized  and counseled but most of all listened.

 I had found out the waiting list for the psychiatrist we wanted to get into was over four months long. I went and talked to the social worker at one of my schools and she sat with me and gave me the name of several psychiatrists  that she recommends. So, I now have an appointment November 16 for George and I and a few days later for Samuel.

Last night I sat on the couch after putting the kids to bed   and cried. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I told George that I would give everything in me to make Samuel's pain go away. We know what a  treasure we have in our child. We think he's the coolest kid around. But when you have your little boy telling you how stupid he is and how he wants to die, it hurts This is the same kid that asks questions like. "What was before God? If God created everything, who created God?  The kid that comes home from school and asks to invent something. He is downstairs pounding as we speak.

My heart is heavy, It's been hard to focus on anything else. But, we have hope because hard as it is for me to imagine God loves my boy more than I ever could and he has a purpose in all of this.


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